#it feels almost like a from of harassment
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OP knows all of what I'm about to say, but researching scientology used to be my hobby and while reading this with the context I have from all that background, I have absolutely no fucking doubt that this man is still in this cult. You do not just quietly leave, almost ever, but especially when you're that high up. Based on his previous activity and his family's status, if he had actually left in 2000, even if he'd tried to do it quietly, it would have meant a blackmail & harassment campaign. That clearly didn't happen.
The cult is designed to keep you in it and to keep you active. You don't just kind of stop showing up at services the way you would in what we would think of as a regular church. You might be able to avoid their phone calls and barrage of contact at a lower level without them deciding to declare you "suppressive" and force all scientologists to disconnect from you, but at a high level? Absolutely not. And continuing to send them money is, in this situation, where the entire cult is designed to make money, is the same thing as being active.
Also, it is an extreme red flag, in my opinion, to put scientologists on the level of being "persecuted" with other actual persecuted religious groups. That is something scientologists believe about themeslves, and like to spread as propaganda within their group to make themselves feel like everyone is against them and everyone outside is evil and trying to destroy them. It's not something anyone who's gotten out would ever think.
Another red flag in the Vulture article that makes me, at this point, unsurprised by this, is his aversion to therapy. A man who had left scientology a while ago might have a hard time coming around to the idea, but be willing to be talked into it. But someone still involved? Absolutely not.
Again: at that level, you do not simply stop going. You have to leave, and leave hard, and you don't get to keep talking to your family that's still in. You don't still send them money.
This man is still in.
(This is my opinion on the situation and I don't claim any actual knowledge as to what's going on with Neil Gaiman's personal life in any way.)
(I also wish I could source link you to an article that tells you the reason I believe everything I've said but I've been learning about these people since around 2005/2006 and it's difficult when it spans a couple decades and defunct forums/podcasts/videos. I highly recommend researching this cult yourself even just to get a glimpse into how fragmented the research is; it's very hard to learn about them because of the way they operate. They're scary and shitty and their survivors are incredible human beings who deserve to be heard.)
About that Scientology connection...
One of the details that came to light this week in the latest article detailing the horrific allegations against Neil Gaiman (which I believe are true, to be clear, but not the primary focus of what I'm writing about here) is the extent of his ties to the Church of Scientology. I was most engaged with Neil's work as a teenager and in my early 20s, and I didn't recall seeing mention of the connection at the time (granted, that was more than few years ago!). I couldn't let it go after reading the Vulture article, so I started to dig a bit and found a lot of information being shared on Reddit and even further digging uncovered archived forum posts from over a decade ago by former CoS members.
There are a lot of details in this article by Mikey Crotty, who appears to be an independent comics journalist, which was published by Mike Rinder on his blog in 2023. Rinder was famously an executive in the "church" in Australia and ran SeaOrg (the elite force of CoS, essentially, and responsible for internal discipline within the broader org) before ultimately leaving the organization and speaking out as loudly as he could about the abuses he had been complicit in as a member (at great personal risk, as anyone who is familiar with the tactics used against former CoS members will know).
The piece was written as an exposé about Gaiman's then recently published novel, The Ocean at the End of the Lane, which was semi-autobiographical. Crotty discusses details about Gaiman's family, Gaiman's participation in CoS, and the coverup his father orchestrated for an apparent suicide of a student of Scientology who had immigrated to the UK and was living with the Gaimans at the time. This suicide is written into The Ocean at the End of the Lane.
Neil's father, David Gaiman, was head of worldwide communications for the Church of Scientology in the 60s, and was leading the PR spin to protect the organization from increasing legal scrutiny in the UK at the time. Around the same time, a suicide occurred while a young man, Johannes Scheepers, was living with them (the Gaiman's took in CoS students as lodgers at their home on a regular basis, apparently). The Gaiman family launched a campaign to depict him as a broken down gambler to avoid further scandal for the organization. The logic doesn't quite add up, and it's more likely that Johannes was a new adherent who had been badly taken advantage of. You can read more details in the article I linked. Crotty makes the case that not only were the Gaimans lying about the death of the student, even going so far as to claim he wasn't actually lodging with them, but that Neil then went further to spread these lies in the form of fiction decades later (we now know this book was written as a result of the prompting of Amanda Palmer, who was encouraging him to confront his childhood experiences with CoS per the article in Vulture).
The article also points out evidence of Neil's continued involvement with Scientology:
Neil Gaiman’s history with Scientology is very murky; deliberately so. His family are practically Scientology royalty in the UK, he met his first wife Mary McGrath while she was studying Scientology and lodging at Harrow House and he himself worked as a Scientology Auditor for several years in the Eighties and was a Director of a Scientologist’s property company ‘Centrepoint’ until 1999. He now won’t discuss his own Scientology connections and states, without any details, that he’s no longer a member of the Cult that supported Apartheid up until the mid eighties, believes homosexuals are deviants and mental illness is a manifestation of personal failure in the sufferer’s current or past life; beliefs which are anathema to most of Neil’s adoring audience. His connection to Scientology and apparent departure from the cult first went public as part of a court case in 2002 where when asked “Are you still involved with the Church of Scientology?” Neil said “I don’t understand the question”, subsequently asked “Are you still a member of the Church of Scientology?” he replied “I don’t consider myself as such”. Even then his admission that he worked for the Church for 3 years is somewhat confusing: “I worked for a 3 year period after getting out of school as a ‘Counsellor’ for the Church of Scientology”; in fact he actually worked as an ‘Auditor’ in a process made famous in the award winning 2015 Documentary ‘Going Clear’ which explains how officials in the Church of Scientology keep in-depth records on everything its members say during private ‘auditing’ sessions and then use their secrets against them. Renowned Journalist and author on Scientology Tony Ortega says that Gaiman “became a Class VIII auditor, and even ran the Birmingham “org” as its ED, executive director. “. While there is no contradiction in Neil’s actual admission of working for Scientology up till the late Nineties and subsequently leaving the cult and its beliefs sometime in the early Noughties, conflicting details arise in the period since, when Neil has insisted he’s not a Scientologist. According to public records he was a shareholder in the family firm G&G Foods, which produces the vitamins used in Scientology’s highly criticized Narconon and De-Tox practices, since 2011. He transferred approximately a quarter of a million shares to Scientologist shareholders in 2013. There’s the book ‘Ocean’ also from 2013 and then there’s also his production company ‘The Blank Corporation’. ‘The Blank Corporation’ is Neil’s production company which works on all his adaptations such as ‘Sandman’, ‘Anansi Boys’, ‘Good Omens’ and the upcoming ‘Ocean at the End of the Lane’ in partnership with Netflix, Amazon, Warner Bros, the BBC and others. According to the website and any interviews, Neil founded ‘The Blank Corporation’ in 2016 with his Vice President and former P.A. Cat Mihos. According to the official Companies registration however, the company was actually set up by Neil and then wife (and still devout Scientologist) Mary McGrath in 2000. The company is still registered to a Scientologist’s P.O Box in Wisconsin, where Mary McGrath still works for the Church of Scientology. One company; two very different stories, it’s just another mystery, like what really happened to cause Johannes Scheepers to take his own life in 1968.
I want to note that based on what I've read, being a Class VIII auditor is the highest level you can go as an auditor in CoS without becoming a member of SeaOrg. Auditors are individuals who are key to the brainwashing process members of CoS undergo; they utilize the org's "technology" to identify past sins by doing intensive interrogation sessions with members. This means Neil was well trained in how to psychologically interrogate org members and held a position of relative power over them as he documented their dearest secrets for the org (primarily to blackmail them with should they ever want to leave, based on CoS records and former members' experiences).
I found forum posts where others reviewed public records that confirmed the majority of these claims, although unable to confirm the PO Box in Wisconsin. His sister, Lizzy Calcioli, is the current company director of G&G, which supplies pseudoscientific vitamin treatments to drug rehabilitation seekers that are horribly abused by Narconon (CoS does not allow actual medical intervention or medical practices in its org). According to public filings, Neil still owns shares in G&G.
There is also this interview from 2010 with the New Yorker, in which Neil claims he is no longer a member of CoS, but expresses sympathy to them:
These days, Gaiman tends to avoid questions about his faith, but says he is not a Scientologist. Like Judaism, Scientology is the religion of his family, and he feels some solidarity with them. “I will stand with groups when I feel like they’re being properly persecuted,” he told me.
It is also well known that celebrity members of CoS are encouraged/allowed to lie about their connection to it in order to support their monetary success. Because of course they're going to contribute back to the organization through that success, which it appears Neil has done.
Additionally, we know from public accounts of CoS's practices and leaked documents that once someone "goes clear" and leaves the organization, they are not allowed to continue to associate with anyone within the cult. Isolation of former victims is one of the many tools used against them. The fact that Neil maintained a marriage for decades to an active member who still works for CoS, as well as relationships with his family members who are leaders in CoS, indicates he is either still on the books as a member or is contributing to CoS in order to avoid alienation from his family. Any sympathy a desire to remain connected with his family might conjure is misguided in my opinion, because we know that he's likely profiting off of shares in a company that takes advantage of and contributes to the traumatization of vulnerable patients as a CoS affiliated business.
Had I known Neil Gaiman was so closely connected to the "church" sooner (one degree away from L. Ron Hubbard himself as a child!), I would not have supported his work in the way that I did in the past. And I think he knew that a significant portion of his audience would respond the same way, which is why he obfuscated and downplayed those connections.
His alleged ongoing involvement also changes the way I perceive his actions - Deception and manipulation is, by former member's accounts, standard procedure for leaders within Scientology. It should come as no surprise that he will continue to deny any evidence, attempt to blame his victims, and lie lie lie to avoid potential consequences. It is, after all, the example he was given and trained in as an active participant in a destructive cult that he has never publicly disavowed and that he appears to continue to support.
I think this information should be taken into account in how former (hopefully) fans react to his responses to these accusations. I wish for peace for the victims who are now speaking out, and I hope they are able to reach the resolution they deserve.
#neil gaiman#scientology#cult cw#he did a very good job hiding this tbh#but any time someone has scientology ties you should be suspicious#if I've learned anything I've learned that
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in which your heart is not your own, owed to Rafayel. Rafayel x fem.reader. mdni.
tw: heart mutilation. obsessive tendencies. death of siblings. death of a friend. familial disowning. pet names. kidnapping. betrayal. miscommunication. manipulation. sexual manipulation. blood. nearly attempted murder. oral (f. receiving). piv. sensory deprivation (sight). manic episodes. fantalization of murder. death of reader. horrible mother-in-law. slightly ooc rafayel. virginity loss. stalking. harassment. not proof-read.
wc: 23.3k
The blindfold became a second skin, its silken weight a constant reminder of your curious bargain: love without sight. You weren’t blind or anything; quite the opposite. It was an arrangement sealed by whispers in the dark, by a voice that melted into your bones and hands that knew your body better than you did.
The room was alive as if the humid air pulsed with his presence. His touch was reverent, deliberate, as though tracing unseen constellations across your skin. He didn’t speak often, and when he did, his words were like the low hum of a distant storm—calm, commanding, magnetic. You had never known such intimacy, yet a lingering ache settled in your chest. A hunger to see the one who worshipped you so wholly.
The nights were your sanctuary, tangled in his arms, consumed by his worship. But the days were long and solitary. You would roam the halls of the vast, echoing estate, guided by touch, sound, and memory. Each room carried his essence: rich, intoxicating, and mysterious. Yet, no mirrors adorned the walls—no reflective surfaces offered even a shadow of him.
And truly, tonight was no different.
His touch was a paradox of restraint and possession, a delicate balance between firm and tender. One hand pressed against your stomach, grounding you, anchoring you to him as though he feared you might drift away. His thumb traced slow, deliberate circles on your skin, each movement a silent confession of need. The other hand cradled your chin, tilting your face upward with such care it made your breath hitch.
You felt his warmth everywhere, radiating from him like an endless flame, seeping into your own body. His movements were unhurried, deliberate, as if he were memorizing every shiver, every arch, every breathless sound that escaped your lips. The blindfold over your eyes heightened every sensation; every touch felt amplified, every brush of his lips on your skin a spark against the kindling of your longing.
“Do you feel me?” he murmured, his voice low and edged with something primal.
Of course, you could. You nodded, your hands gripping the sheets beneath you, grounding yourself against the intensity of him. He shifted slightly, and the hand on your stomach pressed down harder, making you gasp. He stilled for a moment, as though savoring the sound, and then continued his slow, relentless worship of you.
"I want you to know," he said, his lips brushing the shell of your ear, "how deeply you are mine."
Your husband’s cock dragged against your gummy walls deliciously as he teased to pull out once again, only to push through your ings and fill you up. His hand on your stomach searched for where he may be inside your guts, and upon finding it, he pressed down again,
“O-oh!”
“So needy…but that’s okay,” His lips brushed against your forehead, trailing kisses down to your cheek, jaw, and neck, the hand holding your chin sliding down effortlessly to hold your hip as his thrusts worked you through almost hellishly slow. Your lips were puffy, overspent with not enough reward as he took the hand off your stomach to pinch your puckering clit.
The syllables falling from your mouth were nonsensical.
Grateful. That’s what he told himself he was. Grateful for your presence, for your laughter echoing softly in the vastness of his world, for the way your body responded to his touch as though it were made for him alone. But the truth?
No, gratitude wasn’t enough to contain the storm inside him. He was enamored—utterly captivated by the curve of your lips when you smiled, the way you furrowed your brow in thought, the quiet sighs you made when you slept. Obsessed, perhaps. He would trace the shape of your hand in his mind long after you had fallen asleep, commit the cadence of your voice to memory like a sacred hymn.
In love? The word seemed too small, too human for what he felt. His longing for you was consuming, a tidal wave threatening to pull him under. His heart, if it could still be called that, didn’t just yearn for you—it burned, a constant, searing ache that no touch, no whispered word could soothe.
Yearning. Yes, that was it. A raw, endless yearning. Not just to hold you, to worship you, but to be known by you. To shed the shadows that cloaked him and bask in the light of your gaze. Yet, the fear lingered, sharp and unrelenting. What if the truth of him made you recoil? What if the blindfold, that fragile barrier, was all that held this tenuous, perfect illusion together?
Every night, he battled with himself. The desire to see your eyes widen in recognition warred with the terror of seeing them widen in horror. And yet, he couldn’t stay away. You were his sanctuary, his punishment, his undoing.
As his hand lingered on your skin, tracing slow, reverent lines, he wondered if you could feel it—the desperation in his touch. The way it whispered what his lips could not: Stay. Don’t turn away.
Well, truly, he had his mother and her jealousy to thank, he supposed. It was her envy that had cast the first stone, her cruel game that brought you here, blindfolded and bewildered. And your sisters—ah, yes, your sisters. Their bitter whispers had stoked your doubts, planted the seeds of curiosity and rebellion in your mind. They had warned you, hadn’t they? Told you no man could love like this without hiding something monstrous. They had been so sure, so certain, that the one who adored you so fervently could only be a beast in disguise. He hated them for it, hated the cracks they had tried to drive between you. Their envy had been a quieter thing, but no less potent, planting seeds of doubt in you that he struggled to uproot.
His hand slid up from your hip, lingering just long enough to feel the warmth of your skin beneath his palm. Slowly, deliberately, he intertwined his fingers with yours, as if anchoring himself to this moment. His thumb brushed the ring on your finger—a masterpiece of his own making.
The ring had been the first gift he’d ever given you, long before you’d come to this place, to him. A delicate band of gold, adorned with a singular blue gem. He had poured his essence into its creation, shaping it with his own hands, imbuing it with fragments of himself. It was meant to be a promise, though he hadn’t dared to speak the words aloud when he placed it on your finger. You are mine, as I am yours.
His own creation, forged in a moment of reckless hope. The gemstone glimmered faintly even in the dim light, its color a reflection of something deep and hidden within him. A piece of his essence, captured and bound in that delicate band, as much a promise as it was a claim.
And it may have been foolish- stupid, even, to get sentimental at such a time when he should have been focusing on the pleasure of his wife, but timing be damned. He took your hand, kissing it tenderly.
And you…you were just about gone.
Needy. Insatiable. So full of want. Your mind became saturated at his prolonged drags, your back long since off the feather-stuffed sack you called a bed.
He threw your ankles over his shoulders, locking them around his neck carelessly, your thighs jittery, your muscles tender from his earlier man-handling.
Your husband’s hand slid upward, wrapping around your throat. His grip was firm but careful, more a reminder of his presence than a threat. Yet, even as he reveled in the softness of your skin, a darker thought flickered through his mind.
Sometimes—only sometimes—he wondered what would happen if he just... snapped it.
What would it be like to end it all, to sever the connection so completely? To see you shatter, your life slipping from him like water from a cracked vessel. The power of it, the utter control. He imagined it in flashes—your eyes wide with shock, the sound of your breath halting, your skin going cold beneath his touch.
The thought thrilled him, excited him. His pulse quickened at the heady rush of power, of having you utterly and completely in his grasp. The idea of snapping your fragile neck—the utter finality of it—was both intoxicating and terrifying. But no.
No.
Not his lady love.
He tightened his grip just enough for you to feel it, but not enough to hurt you. His eyes, though unseen, burned with the ferocity of his internal battle, trying to wrestle with the darkness in him that was so close to taking over.
“Forgive me,” he murmured, his voice rough, a raw edge to it. He pulled his hand away, but his breath was shallow and uneven.
"Husband?" Your voice trembles with both curiosity and unease, a soft whisper that feels too loud in the silence that suddenly envelops the room. The warmth of his body, the heat of his touch, is gone—vanished like a fleeting dream.
You sit up, instinctively reaching for the space where his form had once been, only to find it empty. The bed feels cold now, the soft sheets still clinging to your skin but no longer warm with his presence. For a moment, you’re disoriented, your pulse quickening in the sudden, oppressive quiet.
He had been there, hadn't he? His hands, his lips, his breath... all so real, so consuming. And now, nothing. The absence of him presses down on you like a physical weight.
You swing your legs over the side of the bed, the cool floor beneath your feet grounding you in reality, but still, the question lingers: Where is he?
A subtle shift in the air, like a quiet breath, stirs your senses. Something is wrong. You feel it in your bones, the pull of something deep inside you—a fear that has no name, only the cold certainty that the distance between you and him is more than just physical. It feels like he's slipped beyond reach, as though the very essence of him has evaporated into the shadows.
“Husband?” You call again, this time louder, more urgent, the words trembling on your lips. The sound feels strange in your mouth, a name you no longer feel certain about.
The silence is deafening, and the lingering scent of him on your skin becomes both a comfort and a cruel reminder of the emptiness now surrounding you. Your fingers brush over the empty space on the bed where he should be.
And then, faintly—so faint you almost wonder if it's your imagination—a whisper floats from the shadows, a voice low and almost broken.
"Don’t search for me."
The words send a shiver down your spine. They're not a command, but a plea.
*** The sun shone brightly, filtering through the leaves above as you stood by the lake, the warmth of the day wrapping around you like a comforting embrace. The water lapped at your calves in a gentle rhythm, its cool touch refreshing against the summer heat. You smiled to yourself, wringing out your hair, the droplets catching the light as they fell, each one a tiny diamond in the air.
Birds flitted from branch to branch, their cheerful songs blending with the soft rustle of the leaves in the breeze. The day was perfect—everything about it seemed touched by the gods. The soft chirping of the birds, the way the water shimmered under the sun, the gentle sway of the wildflowers on the bank—it was all part of the peaceful symphony that made this place feel like a dream.
You couldn’t help but feel grateful. This hidden lake, tucked away from the hustle of the village, was your secret retreat, and it always brought you peace. You had come to bathe here often, and the nymphs who lived in the lake were like old friends, joining you with their laughter and playful antics. Their bright laughter echoed through the trees, and you found yourself smiling as their voices floated over the water. Sometimes, they would gift you flowers woven into crowns, and other times they would tell you stories in their musical voices that made you laugh until your sides ached.
A soft ripple in the water caught your attention, and before you could turn around, a gentle but playful grip wrapped around your breasts. You gasped in surprise, but laughter bubbled up from within you as the familiar presence of Hersilia, the naiads’ most mischievous, appeared behind you, her long, wet hair trailing behind her like silken strands in the water.
“You’re getting too comfortable, my friend,” Hersilia teased, her voice lilting with joy. Her fingers, slick with water, pinched at your sides, sending a shiver through your body. You swatted at her hands, laughing as you tried to push her away, but she was quick—too quick—and only giggled harder as she danced just out of reach.
“You can’t catch me!” Hersilia sang, her feet skimming across the water’s surface, sending soft splashes that sparkled like diamonds in the sunlight. The mischievous glint in her eyes told you this would turn into another playful chase through the lake, and you couldn’t help but grin.
“Do you always sneak up on people like that?” you asked, feigning annoyance, but your laughter betrayed the mock seriousness in your voice.
"Always," Hersilia replied, her voice light and teasing. "If you didn’t want to be caught, you should have kept an eye out." She twirled in the water, her movements fluid and graceful like a dance. “Now, you’re mine.” With that, she lunged toward you again, her wet hands reaching for your sides, causing you to squirm and giggle even more.
“Catch me if you can!” she called out, her voice full of challenge as she darted into deeper water, her lithe body cutting through the surface like a serpent.
As soon as you put your hands in the water to splash the naiad, your heart still light from laughter, you froze. Your sisters voices carried over the water as they called out to you. Hersilia’s teasing grin faltered, and in a blink, she disappeared beneath the surface as if she were never there, the ripples from her intrusion fading just as quick as she did.
Your sisters' figures stood silhouetted against the sun at the top of the hill, their skirts fluttering in the breeze. Algaura, ever the patient one, raised a hand to shade her eyes as she looked for you, while Clidippe cupped her hands around her mouth, her voice ringing out.
"Are you planning to live in that lake forever?" Clidippe called, her tone sharp but not unkind. "Mother’s been asking after you, and we’ve wasted enough time chasing you down!"
You sighed, casting a glance at the shimmering lake. For a moment, you thought you saw Hersilia’s laughing eyes just beneath the surface, but when you blinked, the water was clear, its secrets tucked away once more.
Reluctantly, you waded toward the shore, water dripping from your dress as you stepped onto the soft grass. "I wasn’t hiding," you called back, wringing out the hem of your gown.
"You’re always hiding," Algaura said, her voice softer, though you could hear the faintest hint of amusement. "Come on now. We shouldn’t keep Mother waiting."
You climbed the gentle slope to where your sisters stood, their expressions a mix of exasperation and affection. Clidippe crossed her arms, arching a brow. "You’ll have to explain to her why you look like you’ve been dragged through the lake."
"Maybe I was," you quipped, earning a laugh from Algaura and an eye roll from Clidippe.
“Besides, you know you’re not even supposed to be out—there’ve been rumors of kidnappings at the markets lately,” Algaura added quietly, her voice laced with concern. Her eyes darted around as if she expected danger to leap out from the trees. You knew she wasn’t wrong. As princesses, you and your sisters were always at risk, especially during times of unrest. The weight of your station pressed on you, even now, as you walked back toward the village.
Clidippe, ever the brash one, scoffed. “Never mind the kidnappings. We have enough trouble with peasants constantly vying for your attention, Y/N.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder, her tone dripping with disdain. “Honestly, the way they fawn over you—it’s ridiculous.”
You couldn’t help but sigh at Clidippe’s dramatics. “It’s not my fault people are kind to me,” you said, a small smile tugging at your lips despite her exasperation.
“Kind?” Clidippe shot you a sidelong glance, her lips curling into a wry smirk. “Please. Half of them would give anything to whisk you away. The other half just want to curry favor for their own benefit.”
“Not everyone has ulterior motives, Clidippe,” Algaura interjected, her voice calm but firm. “Y/N has a way with people—it’s why they like her.”
“Too much, if you ask me,” Clidippe muttered, though there was no real malice in her words. She glanced at you, her expression softening slightly. “I’m just saying, you should be careful. You’re too trusting sometimes.”
You looked between your sisters, touched by their concern even if it came in different forms. Algaura’s quiet worry and Clidippe’s sharp protectiveness were two sides of the same coin, and though you often found their nagging tiresome, you knew it came from a place of love.
“I’ll be fine,” you assured them, your voice light but sincere. “I always have you two watching over me, don’t I?”
Algaura smiled gently, reaching out to tuck a strand of wet hair behind your ear. “Always,” she said softly.
Clidippe rolled her eyes, but her lips quirked into a reluctant smile.
Still, it didn’t stop Clidippe from popping the back of your head with a playful but firm slap. "Run out again, and I’ll tell Mother everything," she threatened, though the smirk tugging at the corner of her lips betrayed her true feelings.
You yelped, rubbing the spot where her hand landed. “You wouldn’t dare!”
“Try me,” Clidippe said, arching an eyebrow with a look that only a sister could perfect—a blend of teasing and warning. “One more stunt like this, and I’ll make sure Mother knows all about your little escapades to that lake. Let’s see how much ‘kindness’ you get after that.”
Algaura sighed, ever the peacekeeper. “Clidippe, don’t be so harsh. She’s not a child anymore.”
“Exactly,” Clidippe shot back, throwing her hands in the air. “Which is why she should know better!”
You stuck your tongue out at Clidippe, earning a pointed glare. “I’ll be good, I promise,” you said, though the sparkle in your eyes made it clear you’d likely end up sneaking off again.
Clidippe rolled her eyes dramatically, muttering something under her breath about you being incorrigible. But as the three of you reached the village gates, the lighthearted bickering melted into an easy camaraderie.
Despite her threats, you knew Clidippe would never actually tattle.
***
True to your sister’s words, the palace was already in an uproar. Servants scrambled through the halls, their frantic footsteps echoing off marble floors. The air buzzed with tension as your name was shouted by guards and attendants alike.
Ushered through the hidden servant’s path by Clidippe and Algaura, you reached your chambers in a hurry. Even so, the chaos outside did not abate, nor did the sharp, commanding voice of your mother as it carried through the palace. The tone was unmistakable: fury tempered only by concern.
“Get in, and don’t say a word,” Clidippe hissed as she shoved you inside.
“Stay quiet,” Algaura added in a softer tone. “We’ll try to talk to her.”
You nodded and hurried to change out of your damp dress, tossing it into the hidden laundry chute as you pulled on a fresh gown. Your hair was still damp, but you quickly twisted it into a loose braid, praying it wouldn’t give you away.
No sooner had you seated yourself by the window with an open book than the door burst open, your mother’s imposing figure framed in the doorway. Her face was a storm, eyes blazing as she took in the sight of you.
“Where have you been?” she demanded, her voice like the crack of a whip.
“Mother, she’s been here,” Clidippe interrupted smoothly, stepping into the room. Her tone was casual, but there was an edge of urgency to it. “We checked ourselves—she’s been reading by the window.”
Algaura appeared beside her, nodding in agreement. “It was a misunderstanding. The servants must have miscounted.”
But your mother was not so easily deceived. Her piercing gaze flicked between your sisters, then settled on you. She took a step closer, her presence filling the room.
“You think me a fool?” she snapped, her voice low and dangerous. “Your hair is still wet. You reek of the lake.” Her eyes narrowed, and you felt the weight of her judgment bearing down on you. “Do you have any idea the panic you’ve caused?”
“Mother, it wasn’t—” Clidippe began, but she was cut off by a sharp wave of your mother’s hand.
“Enough!” she barked, silencing the room. “Both of you, out. Now.”
Clidippe and Algaura hesitated, glancing at you with apologetic looks, but they knew better than to argue. They slipped out of the room, the door clicking shut behind them.
Left alone with your mother, you felt as though the air had been sucked from the room.
“I have warned you,” she said, her tone cold and measured, “time and time again about your reckless behavior. And yet, you defy me.”
“Mother, I didn’t mean—”
“Silence,” she interrupted, her eyes boring into yours. “You are a princess. Your actions affect more than just yourself. Do you understand that? While you frolic at the lake, the palace is thrown into disarray, and our reputation is put at risk.”
You looked down, shame burning in your cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry will not suffice,” she said sharply. “You will spend the next week confined to your chambers. No visits to the garden, no trips to the library. Perhaps solitude will teach you the responsibility you so sorely lack.”
Your heart sank, but you knew better than to protest. “Yes, Mother,” you said quietly.
She studied you for a moment longer, her expression softening ever so slightly. “I do this because I love you, Y/N. But you must learn. For your own sake.”
With that, she turned and left, the door closing behind her with a decisive thud and the unmistakable click of the lock. You sat in silence, the weight of her words pressing down on you. Outside, you could hear your sisters murmuring, their voices laced with guilt.
Your chambers were vast, grandiose in a way that reminded you constantly of your status as a princess. High ceilings, intricate tapestries, and polished floors—all designed to impress and suffocate in equal measure. Large windows let in streams of sunlight, and a balcony overlooked the sprawling gardens below. But what use was beauty when it felt like a gilded cage?
You paced the length of the room, your bare feet making soft sounds against the cool stone floor. The confines of the space didn’t ease your restless mind. You considered the balcony, leaning against its railing and staring down at the manicured hedges and fountains below. It was tempting—freedom was right there. But jumping wasn’t an option. The drop was too far, and while you could climb, you doubted you’d make it down without breaking a limb or getting caught.
“Damn it all,” you muttered under your breath, smacking your palm against the railing in frustration. The sting in your hand was nothing compared to the helplessness bubbling inside you. You had barely been out at the lake an hour, and now you were stuck here for a week.
You threw yourself onto the chaise by the window, staring at the ceiling with an exaggerated sigh. The room might have been big, but it felt smaller with each passing moment. You hated being confined like this, unable to explore the world outside, the woods, the lake, the freedom.
The sound of soft footsteps in the hall made you sit up. It was likely a servant delivering food or linens—maybe even your sisters trying to sneak in a visit. You darted toward the door, pressing your ear against it and listening.
“Y/N?” came a whispered voice.
Algaura.
Relief flooded you as you opened the door just a crack. Her face appeared, smiling sheepishly as she squeezed through the gap.
“Mother would kill me if she knew I was here,” she said, glancing around nervously. “But I couldn’t leave you alone all day.”
“I’m glad you didn’t,” you admitted, hugging her tightly.
She pulled away, her expression thoughtful. “I brought something to cheer you up,” she said, producing a small bundle wrapped in cloth. She unwrapped it to reveal a handful of flowers—wild ones, from the woods near the lake. “Don’t tell me I’m the only one who can bend the rules now and then.”
You laughed, the tension in your chest easing slightly. “You’re the best.”
“Don’t let Clidippe hear that,” Algaura said with a wink. “She’ll never let me live it down.”
It’s quiet for a moment before she adds on. "You know, Clidippe was right- there really are lot of suitors outside. It's a little...strange."
Algaura’s words made you pause. You sat back on the chaise, the wildflowers resting in your lap. “What do you mean?” you asked, tilting your head.
She leaned against the doorframe, her arms crossed, looking thoughtful. “It’s not just the usual nobles hoping for a chance to curry favor with Mother and Father. There are strangers—people I’ve never seen before. Foreigners. Merchants. Even a few peasants who’ve somehow wormed their way to the gates. All of them asking about you.”
You frowned, your fingers brushing absently over the soft petals of a flower. “That doesn’t make sense. Why would they be asking about me specifically?”
Algaura shrugged, though there was a flicker of unease in her expression. “You’re beautiful, Y/N. It’s not surprising people would notice you. But this... It feels different. Like they know something we don’t.”
Her words sent a shiver down your spine, though you tried to laugh it off. “Maybe they’ve just heard about my charming personality,” you joked, though your voice wavered slightly.
Algaura didn’t laugh. Instead, she studied you closely, her brow furrowing. “Be careful,” she said softly. “I know you hate being cooped up, but maybe Mother was right to keep you here for now. There’s something strange in the air lately. I can feel it.”
You shifted uncomfortably, the weight of her warning settling over you. Algaura wasn’t one to be superstitious, but when she got a feeling about something, she was rarely wrong.
“Strange how?” you asked, trying to keep your tone light.
She hesitated, as though weighing her words. “It’s hard to explain. Just... I don’t trust all those people outside. It’s like they’re waiting for something.”
The unease inside you grew, twisting like a knot in your stomach. You glanced toward the window, half-expecting to see shadows moving in the garden below. But there was nothing—only sunlight and swaying trees.
“I’ll be careful,” you promised, though the words felt hollow.
Algaura nodded, though her worried expression remained. “Good. Because something tells me this is just the beginning.”
***
The rumors had started as whispers—passed from one mouth to another, carried on the breeze that swept through the markets and the quiet corners of taverns. But in time, they grew louder, more insistent, until the very air around the kingdom seemed to hum with the story of a princess more beautiful than any goddess of old.
A beauty that rivaled Aphrodite herself.
It wasn’t just your appearance that captivated people’s attention; it was the mystery that surrounded you. No one had truly seen your face, at least not in the way they wanted to.
Each rumor twisted, shaped by the imagination of the masses, until you were not just a princess—but an otherworldly vision. Some said you were touched by the gods themselves, a living incarnation of love and grace. Others whispered that you were an enchantress, capable of bending the hearts of even the hardest of men.
And so, like a ripple in a pond, the word spread far beyond the kingdom’s borders—across oceans, over mountains, through forests, and into lands where they did not even know your name. But they knew the legend.
The first few days, it had been easy to dismiss. A few admirers calling out from below, a few bouquets of flowers left at the foot of the palace gates. It was nothing new, nothing you hadn’t experienced before. But soon, it became something else entirely.
You could barely step out onto your balcony without being greeted by the sight of eager faces staring up at you, their eyes filled with something darker than mere admiration. They had no shame, no respect for the space between royalty and commoner.
The flowers had turned from sweet-scented lilies to strange, unfamiliar blossoms. Some with petals as black as night, others with thorns sharp enough to pierce your skin if you weren't careful. And the gifts—small trinkets, strange tokens, even jewelry—felt like offerings, as though they thought you were some kind of goddess to be pleased.
It wasn’t just the courtyard. It was everywhere. As you walked through the palace halls, you could hear the faint, eerie whispers of your name on the wind, drifting in from outside. Even the servants, usually busy with their duties, glanced nervously at you, as if they too were starting to sense that something was amiss.
The situation grew increasingly unsettling, day by day. At first, it had been easy to brush off the behavior of a few overzealous suitors, but now it was spiraling into something far more disturbing. The crowds gathered outside the gates and beneath your balcony grew more persistent, more entitled. No longer were they content with simply offering their gifts or admiring you from afar.
It wasn’t long before your guards began to report strange incidents: men lurking in the shadows, eyes fixed upon the windows, waiting for the right moment to approach.
There were whispers among the palace staff about people who had tried to slip past the guards, pretending to be servants or tradesmen. Some had been caught trying to scale the walls, attempting to break into your chambers when the moon was high in the sky. And then, there were the ones who had been caught near the palace gardens, staring at the windows with expressions that were almost manic, as if they believed they had a right to be there.
At first, you had relished the attention. The excitement of being desired, the feeling of power that came with being the center of so many people's gaze. The flowers, the gifts, the glances of admiration from every corner of the kingdom—it all felt flattering. After all, who wouldn't enjoy being the object of such longing?
But as the days wore on, that thrill began to dull, replaced by an uncomfortable weight that grew heavier with each passing moment. The whispers that once made you feel cherished now felt like chains, dragging you down. The crowd below, once full of eager faces, began to feel suffocating. Their eyes were no longer filled with admiration, but something far more possessive. They expected something from you—something you could never give.
It felt like an impossible request: to want someone who loved you for you, not for the polished image they had built of you in their minds. The desire for genuine connection, something real, was becoming a sharp, aching void in your chest. You longed for someone who saw beyond your beauty, someone who wasn’t captivated by your face alone, someone who wanted you, with all your flaws, your doubts, your fears.
The thought flickered in your mind, almost in jest, that perhaps you could somehow make them stop looking at you like that. If you marred your appearance, disfigured the thing they worshipped, maybe then they would stop seeing you as an object. But the idea made you sick, even as it seemed to offer a twisted kind of solution to your growing dread. You knew, deep down, you weren’t brave enough for such an extreme. You couldn't bring yourself to erase the one thing that had given you power in the first place, even if that very power was suffocating you.
But the yearning for something real, something honest and untouched by the expectations of the world, gnawed at you relentlessly. The pressure, the eyes on you, felt unbearable. Every interaction, every glance, every whispered word from the crowd below reminded you that you weren’t truly seen. You were only admired for the idea of you. And the more you thought about it, the more it consumed you.
***
Angry. Angry pacing. No, anger didn’t quite cut it. Aphrodite was seething. On a marble bay window, Talia stretched, wine red lips staining her glass. "I don't know why it bothers you so much, friend. You should be glad the mortal seems just as uncomfortable with the comparison that you are mad it was even made."
Aphrodite’s pacing halted, her golden hair shimmering in the sunlight streaming through the bay window. Her eyes, sharp and brimming with fire, flicked toward Talia with a look that could shatter glass. “Glad?” she hissed, her voice dripping with venom. “Glad that a mortal child—a mortal princess no less—is being called more beautiful than me? Glad that my name is on the tongues of men not for my glory, but for how she surpasses it?”
Talia smirked, taking another languid sip of her wine. “Yes, actually. It’s amusing. Mortals and their fleeting obsessions. The girl could slip on a rock and ruin her face tomorrow, and your precious title would be safe again.” She tilted her head, her crimson nails tapping against the glass. “Why waste so much energy on someone who doesn’t even want the attention she’s getting?”
Aphrodite’s nostrils flared, her fists clenched so tightly her nails dug into her palms. “It isn’t just about her,” she snapped. “It’s about the insult. The audacity. Do you know what I’ve heard, Talia? Some say she might be a daughter of mine. That she carries my blood and my beauty, unclaimed.”
Talia chuckled, a low, throaty sound. “And is she?”
Aphrodite’s jaw tightened. “No. But mortals are stupid enough to believe it. And if they’re willing to believe that, what else will they start to question? My divinity? My perfection? My place?” She resumed her pacing, her heels clicking against the marble floor. “This isn’t just about a girl. It’s about what she represents. A challenge. An insult to my name.”
Talia leaned back, watching her friend with amused detachment. “And yet, the mortal hides herself away, terrified of the world outside her palace walls. She doesn’t seem much of a challenge to me.”
Aphrodite’s lips curled into a bitter smile. “That’s the only thing keeping her safe.” She turned to the window, gazing out at the distant horizon. “But even the most beautiful rose wilts when plucked from its garden. And I intend to see just how much pressure she can withstand before she breaks.”
"You take everything so personally," Talia drawled, her voice as smooth and rich as the drink in her hand. "Mortals are fickle creatures. They say what they wish, worship who they will. Their praise and comparisons mean nothing in the grand scheme of things."
Aphrodite’s lips curled into a sneer. "Nothing? It’s not nothing when their whispers spread like wildfire, tarnishing my name. Diminishing my glory. What is a goddess without her reputation?"
Talia raised an elegant brow, her dark eyes gleaming with amusement. "A goddess still," she replied, lifting her glass in a mock toast. "You’re acting like a jealous lover, fretting over someone stealing the affections of their beloved. But isn’t that what you do, Aphrodite? Stir hearts, twist desires, ignite jealousy?"
Aphrodite’s expression darkened, and the air in the room seemed to grow heavier, as though the weight of her rage pressed against the walls. "This is different," she hissed, her voice dropping to a dangerous whisper. "She is no goddess. She’s a child. A fragile, mortal girl. And yet they dare speak her name in the same breath as mine? I will not tolerate it."
Talia set her glass down, finally meeting Aphrodite’s gaze. "Then what will you do?" she asked, her tone carrying a hint of mockery. "Strike her down? Curse her beauty? Destroy her entirely? Wouldn’t that only prove their point, that she poses a threat to you? It’s a delicate line, dear friend, and one that even you may not wish to cross."
Aphrodite’s jaw tightened, her hands clenching into fists at her sides. She hated that Talia was right, hated the truth in her words.
Talia raised her glass in a mock toast. “Ah, there it is. The vindictive goddess I know so well.” She smirked. “Do be careful, dear. Mortals are fragile things, but they can surprise you when cornered. I’d hate for you to get your hands dirty and find yourself with more than just a bruised ego.”
Aphrodite turned on her heel, her gown sweeping the floor like the tail of a restless serpent. Her fiery glare softened for a fleeting moment, replaced by a look that was almost calculating, almost...fond. She raised a hand, her golden bracelets chiming softly with the motion, and gestured toward the attendant waiting in the shadows of the chamber.
"Fine then," Aphrodite declared, her voice now calm but heavy with authority. "Bring my son."
The attendant, a young nymph with wide, shimmering eyes, immediately bowed low, her silken hair falling over her shoulders like a curtain. "Of course, goddess," she murmured, before slipping out of the chamber as quietly as a passing breeze.
Aphrodite moved to her seat, a throne carved from pure alabaster and inlaid with veins of gold. She sat gracefully, her hands folding in her lap as her expression hardened once more. The flickering flames of the room’s lanterns cast long shadows across her face, accentuating the sharpness of her features.
Talia, still lounging by the bay window, arched a curious brow. "Your son, hmm?" she mused, her tone laced with intrigue. "And what role will he play in your scheme, I wonder?"
Aphrodite didn’t look at her, her gaze fixed on the far door as though willing it to open. "He will do as I command," she said simply, her voice void of doubt. "It’s time he learned the responsibilities that come with being the son of a goddess. And who better to teach this mortal girl her place than someone who understands the weight of divine beauty?"
Talia chuckled softly, shaking her head. "Ever the strategist," she murmured, swirling the last of her wine before downing it. "I suppose I should prepare myself for the fireworks that are sure to follow."
Aphrodite didn’t respond. She simply waited, her mind already weaving the threads of her plan, her lips curving into a smile that promised both charm and danger. Soon enough, the door opened, and soft, steady footsteps echoed through the chamber.
She didn’t need to look up to know who it was. The air itself seemed to shift with his arrival, a presence both magnetic and unnerving.
"Mother," came the voice, smooth as silk but carrying an undertone of reluctant obedience.
Aphrodite smiled, her eyes finally lifting to meet his. "My darling," she purred. "I have a task for you."
***
It was stupid.
Really stupid.
Did you tell your sisters? Nope. Did you leave any warning behind? Not a chance.
A horse? Ridiculous. Too obvious. And besides, what was the fun in making it easy? You were faster on foot anyway.
Even a snack? Who needed a snack when you were on the verge of discovering the truth?
The fact that you were going to be found out, eventually, didn’t bother you. It was bound to happen. But right now, you needed answers. You needed to understand.
“Huzzah, huzzah,” You giggle excitedly to yourself, quiet.
So, you set out for the Oracle. No more distractions. No more idle questions from your sisters. No more waiting for someone to tell you what to do. You were going to make your own decisions for once.
And if it helped to get some fresh air, all the better.
The cool night air wrapped around you like a cloak, the quiet stillness of the palace gardens turning into the bustling sounds of the village as you moved further away from the gates. You felt the soft crunch of gravel beneath your boots, your breath coming steady and slow.
You had no idea where the Oracle’s temple even was. Not a clue.
But you knew your nymph friends—Hersilia and the others—would. They always seemed to know everything, didn't they? If anyone could point you in the right direction, it was them. So, you made a snap decision, leaving the overgrown paths of the village behind and heading straight for the hidden lake.
It was a place you had frequented many times before, the secret sanctuary where the cool waters were the only constant, and the ever-playful nymphs danced and sang, unseen by the world. The lake was deep in the woods, far enough from the prying eyes of the palace that no one would think to search there. And it had been a while since you last visited, at least since the rumors and the crowds started gathering.
The walk was familiar, like returning to a dream you hadn’t quite finished. You stepped lightly over roots and rocks, your thoughts swirling, but your purpose clear. You needed answers. The air was thick with the scent of pine, and soon the rhythmic calls of the birds shifted into the soft sounds of water lapping against stone, guiding you toward the hidden clearing.
When you arrived at the lake, the scene was just as you remembered—peaceful, serene, untouched by time. The cool mist from the water wrapped around you as you approached the edge, your fingers grazing the surface. You could hear the faint whispers, just beyond your sight, of the nymphs who lived here, hidden in the depths.
"Hersilia?" You called softly, hoping she’d hear you through the quiet.
There was a splash. A ripple in the water, followed by the unmistakable sound of giggles. And then, as if materializing from the mist itself, Hersilia appeared—her form rising from the water with a grace only a creature of the lake could possess. Her pale skin glistened like moonlight on the water, and her green hair cascaded around her shoulders like flowing seaweed.
"Well, well, look who decided to show up." There was a false playfulness to her voice. "What brings you here, little princess? Trouble?"
You smile, opening your mouth to say something, but she puts a hand up.
“You’ve been gone so long,” she murmured quietly, more to herself than to you. The light from the lake’s surface danced in her eyes, and for a moment, you could have sworn there was a tinge of sadness in her expression. “I thought you might have forgotten us... forgotten me.”
The guilt pricked at your chest, the weight of time and distance settling in. You hadn’t meant to stay away from your friends, but with everything that had happened—the palace, the rumors, your mother’s constant grip on you—it had been impossible to carve out any time for yourself.
“I haven’t forgotten you,” you said quickly, taking a step toward her. “Mother had-” “I’m not taking you to the oracle.”
“What?”
Well. That certainly threw a wrench into your plans.
The air between you both felt heavier now, as though the very weight of the unspoken history between you was pressing down on you both. She seemed to take a slow, deep breath before she met your eyes again, her gaze still carrying that trace of sadness.
"I don’t know if I should help you," Hersilia admitted, the hesitation in her voice unmistakable. "The Oracle, Y/n… It’s not just any place. You have no idea what’s been happening with the gods. There are rumors. Things changing in the heavens, in Olympus. You don’t want to go there... especially now."
You could tell she was holding back, her eyes flicking away as if she didn’t want to speak more of it. But there was a distinct shift in her tone—one that suggested there was more to this than just the Oracle being difficult to reach. Whatever it was, it clearly troubled her.
She took a step closer, the water barely shifting with her movement. "I’m your friend," Hersilia continued, her voice almost pleading now. "I care about you, and I don’t want to see you fall into something you don’t understand. The gods are... fickle. And the Oracle, well, she doesn’t always show you what you want to see. Sometimes, you can’t unsee it."
Hersilia’s eyes hardened as she stood her ground, the playful demeanor that had once been there entirely gone. The air between you both seemed to thicken, and the tension was palpable. Her lips pressed together, her usual kindness replaced by something much more firm—almost fierce.
"And I don't want you asking my sisters for help either," she added, her tone brokering no argument.
You opened your mouth to protest, but she cut you off, her voice unwavering. "No, Y/n. I don’t want you going to the Oracle." Her words were final, as if she'd made a decision that you couldn’t undo.
For a moment, you stood there, your thoughts swirling. There was something in the way she spoke, something in her eyes, that made it clear she wasn’t just worried about you getting lost or confused. There was a deeper fear in her, something you couldn't fully understand. Her words about the gods, about the Oracle... they lingered in your mind like a warning.
"But why?" you finally asked, your voice softer now. "Why don’t you want me to go?"
Hersilia hesitated, her jaw tightening. She seemed to struggle with how much to reveal, her gaze shifting between you and the water. She opened her mouth as if to say something more but paused, taking a deep breath.
"You don’t know what you’re asking, Y/n," she said quietly, her voice thick with emotion. "You don’t know what’s at stake. You think you’re ready, but you’re not." Her hand reached out, almost as if to touch you, but she pulled it back before she could. "The Oracle’s answers aren’t simple. They come with a price. And sometimes... once you’ve seen what she has to show you, you can’t unsee it. You can’t go back to the way things were. I don’t mean to sound like a cliche, but that’s final.”
Her words hung in the air, heavy with a sense of warning, but also with an underlying sorrow. Hersilia was afraid—not just for you, but for what you might uncover. It was clear now that there was something deeper at play, something she feared you wouldn't be able to handle.
The silence stretched between you both, and she finally spoke again, softer this time, her voice laced with regret. "Please. Don’t go to her. Not now. Not yet."
Indeed, it threw a wrench in your plans.
…
Oh well!
You make your way home in a hurry not to get caught. If the nymphs wouldn’t help you, surely he would.
Despite the nagging feeling in your chest, the desire for something real—something not tied to your appearance or your royal status—pushed you forward. The evening air felt lighter as you walked back, your footsteps quick and determined. Hersilia’s words had barely sunk in before you were already moving, not willing to let the uncertainty weigh you down.
When you finally reached your balcony, your pulse quickened, and your thoughts buzzed with the familiar restlessness. There was only one way to escape the constraints of your palace, the constant eyes that sought only your beauty. One way to chase something genuine, something more than the false promises of suitors and endless admirers.
You closed your eyes and whispered the words, calling for Zephyrus, the playful west wind who often answered your summons. The breeze picked up immediately, carrying the scent of distant flowers and fresh rain, and with it, his presence.
"You called?" His voice was light and teasing, and before you could even spot him, you could feel the air shift around you—lighter, warmer, like the embrace of an old friend.
Zephyrus appeared, his grin wide, almost absurdly cheerful. His tousled hair was windblown as usual, his eyes twinkling with a mischievous gleam. He crossed his arms, the playful energy about him almost infectious.
"Did you miss me?" he asked with a wink, his tone always more teasing than serious. "Though I must admit, I was wondering when you'd summon me. Been a little too quiet around here, don’t you think?"
You grin, then pause. "I need your help, Zephyrus. I... I need to escape for a little while. Everything’s just... too much. I can’t take it anymore. Not with them all watching, and the pressure of being what they want me to be."
Zephyrus raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "Ah, I see. The princess wants a little freedom, hmm? Can’t say I blame you. But you know, I’m not some simple errand boy, dear." His grin widened, clearly enjoying the drama of the moment. "What’s in it for me?"
You narrowed your eyes at his teasing, but you were desperate, and you knew how to play his game. "Come on, you owe me one. You know you do." You leaned in, dropping your voice to a mock serious whisper. "Besides, I’ve heard rumors that you were getting bored of your usual windblown routes. Thought I might spice things up for you."
Zephyrus chuckled, clearly enjoying the banter. "Oh, you’re good," he said, and with a mischievous wink, he gave you a nod. "Alright, alright. You’ve convinced me. But you know this is going to cost you, right? A favor in return. That’s how we wind spirits work."
You sighed, rolling your eyes again. "Fine. Whatever it takes. Just get me out of here, Zephyrus."
The wind spirit beamed at you, a glint of excitement in his eyes. "Deal. Hold on tight, princess. Let’s give you the escape you’re looking for."
In an instant, the air around you seemed to rush in all at once, sweeping you off your feet. The room, the palace, the overwhelming pressure—all of it disappeared in the span of a breath.
“But, just a question. Where’re we going, honey?”
Zephyrus’ voice rang in your ears as the wind swirled around you. You could feel the familiar pull of the air as it wrapped you in its embrace, but something about his question gave you pause. You hadn’t quite thought this through—hadn’t really figured out how to explain what you were doing.
You didn’t want to lie, but you also didn’t want to admit how reckless your plan was. Still, there was no backing down now.
"The Oracle," you said with a defiant smirk, though your heart raced a little in your chest.
Zephyrus was quiet for a moment, and you could almost feel the wind hesitate, swirling around you with a sudden, cooler edge. Then, with a small laugh that was half disbelief, half amusement, he replied, "The Oracle? Really? That's where you want to go, princess?" He paused again, his voice laced with something that wasn’t quite concern, but it was close. "Do you even know what you're getting yourself into?"
You clenched your jaw. "I need answers. I can’t stay in this cage forever, Zephyrus."
The wind spirit’s playful tone shifted, a bit of seriousness creeping in. "And what happens when the Oracle gives you those answers? What do you do with them then?" His voice lowered, sounding almost like a warning. "Once you know the truth, you can't un-know it. You can't go back to the way things were."
You swallowed, his words striking a nerve. But you had already made up your mind.
"Take me to her," you insisted, a firmness in your voice that you hadn't expected.
Zephyrus was silent for a moment longer, then sighed dramatically. "You’re impossible, you know that?" But despite his teasing, there was a note of respect in his voice. "Alright, princess. Hold on tight. We’re going to the Oracle."
***
Hersilia stood by the lake, her usually bright and carefree demeanor now clouded with concern. She had been watching you from a distance, making sure you didn’t stray too far, but when Zephyrus appeared and swept you off without a second thought, a pang of disappointment shot through her.
She had warned you, tried to keep you safe, but it seemed you were determined to walk your own path—even if it meant putting yourself in danger. Hersilia’s lips pressed into a thin line as she sank back into the water, disappearing from view. She didn’t want to see you go like this, but there was little she could do now.
She’d failed to stop you.
Hersilia had just sunk beneath the water, her form dissolving into the deep blue, when she felt a chill run up her spine. The temperature dropped sharply, and a hand—cold, lethal—clamped around her throat. It was like the water itself had frozen solid.
Her breath hitched, and her body stiffened in shock. She barely had time to react before the sharp pressure against her ribcage told her an arrow was now hovering just under her skin, its tip pressing against her in a way that made her heart race.
The voice that followed was low, chilling—an echo of power she recognized but feared.
"The mortal. Where did she go?"
Hersilia’s eyes widened in panic. She opened her mouth to speak, to beg for mercy, to tell him where you’d gone—but her words died in her throat. The hand around her neck squeezed harder, and before she could finish her sentence, her form began to flicker, her essence dissolving into the air.
Her last vision before she vanished was of a figure stepping forward, eyes dark with fury and an edge of something colder beneath.
"Raf—"
But before she could finish, before she could offer any explanation, her form began to dissolve. The pain from the arrow flared once more, but it was the overwhelming force of his power that caused her body to vanish into a shimmer of water, evaporating like mist in the morning sun.
The man, now left with nothing but the ripples of his presence, clicked his tongue in annoyance. His voice, laced with venom, echoed through the quiet air. "Using my name. What gave you the right?"
And with that, he was gone—disappearing as swiftly and silently as he had come, leaving only an eerie silence behind.
Hersilia's fading form lingered in his mind for just a moment longer, but her disappearance meant nothing now. He had other things to tend to. The mortal—she—was his concern.
***
Zephyrus had kept to his word. He’d dropped you off and told you to call him again when you were ready to come home.
The air was thick with the scent of incense, thick enough to make your head spin, and the shadows in the temple seemed to stretch long and ominous. You’d barely made your way through the murky halls, the flickering torches casting strange reflections on the walls. The oracle’s place wasn’t nearly as grand as you'd imagined, no golden temples or sacred fire to mark the divine presence. Instead, the stone was worn, the floors cracked in places, and you even had to kick a few scattered skulls out of your path as you walked.
"Damn... Apollo really doesn't care for who he picks despite all the glamorization," you muttered, your voice bouncing off the cold walls. You were beyond unimpressed. The long, winding journey to the Oracle had felt so much more grandiose in your mind, but here you were, standing in a crumbling temple with nothing but a handful of whispers from those who’d come before you.
You kicked a skull out of the way and glanced around, half expecting something extraordinary to happen, but...nothing.
The Oracle, seated on an old stone bench, was the only thing that stood out in this place, an elderly woman hunched over with wisps of white hair framing her face. She looked as though she’d seen everything—and yet, the air about her was as dull as the rest of the temple.
You sighed, a little too dramatically, and crossed your arms. "Erm…hello. I’m uh..I’m Y/n. So, you're the Oracle?" you asked, cringing at how your voice came out. "What is this place? I thought there’d be more...mysticism. More fanfare. Less dust."
The old woman’s eyes flickered up at you from beneath heavy eyelids, and for a brief moment, you almost felt like you had stepped on something sacred. But her gaze held no such intensity. It was passive—almost bored. "It’s not the place that matters, child. It’s the answers you seek."
You raised an eyebrow. “Right. And what kind of answers are we talking about here?”
She blinked slowly, her wrinkled hand reaching out to beckon you closer, her fingers shaking slightly. “That depends. What is it that you seek?”
"Um... was hoping you could tell me about my fate? Ya know, my er- my love life." The oracle raised a brow. "You ventured here for...your love life?"
Well, when she said it out loud, it did sound silly.
You shifted uncomfortably under the Oracle’s gaze, suddenly aware of how ridiculous it sounded. "Well, yeah," you muttered, rubbing the back of your neck. "I mean, it’s kind of important, right? Who doesn’t want to know about their love life?"
The Oracle gave you a long, steady look, her eyes narrowing as if she could see right through you. "You came all this way to ask about something so fleeting?" Her voice was both calm and oddly judgmental. "Do you not seek more? A purpose? Power?"
You flushed, feeling small. “I—uh—guess... but it’s just that love’s been on my mind, and I thought maybe you could help me out with some... insight? I mean, if I’m going to get it wrong, I’d at least like to know how to fix it.”
She hummed under her breath, studying you carefully. The silence stretched out long enough to make you question whether she’d say anything at all. Finally, her cracked voice broke through with a sigh.
"Fine. Apollo knows this isn't what I signed up for. First the girl with her dreams and now this-" she clears her throat. "Alright, lemme see." you look excitedly, expecting some magical prowess to be on display- maybe glowing eyes, floating hair, anything. but the old lady just closes her eyes and hums a little bit before talking. "A monster." "Beg your pardon?" "Your love is a beast. Be careful of your trusts."
How anticlimactic.
You blinked, trying to process her words. "A monster?" you repeated, feeling a bit insulted. "What do you mean? Like, a literal monster?"
The Oracle’s eyes remained closed, her wrinkled hands folded in her lap. "A beast," she repeated softly, almost as if she were speaking to herself. "The kind that lurks in the shadows, hidden behind a beautiful face." She paused, letting the silence linger for a moment before adding, "Not all monsters show their fangs at first."
You stood there, bewildered, feeling the excitement you had felt moments before quickly draining away. This wasn’t what you’d imagined when you came looking for answers. "Isn’t there more to it?" you pressed, desperate for something more concrete. "What does this monster want with me?"
The Oracle finally opened her eyes, locking them onto yours with a piercing gaze. "What they want doesn’t matter," she said. "It’s what they take that you must worry about. And how far you’re willing to go to follow them."
You felt a chill run down your spine. You were used to cryptic answers, but this one had a weight to it. It wasn’t just vague—it felt... ominous.
"Are you saying I should just stay away from this person?" you asked, heart hammering in your chest.
The Oracle didn’t answer immediately. She was quiet for a long moment, her fingers tapping gently on the edge of her chair. When she finally spoke, her voice was lower, almost a whisper.
"If i say anything else, it's 5 coins a word." "What?"
You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at the Oracle’s antics as she faded into her strange muttering. The whole experience had been so anticlimactic, and the Oracle’s smugness didn’t help at all. Five coins a word? Seriously? Highway robbery indeed—except without the actual highway, just a confusing old lady hiding in some forgotten corner of the world.
You shook your head, turning to leave the dreary little hut behind, already regretting the trip. As you stepped out into the open air, you could hear the faint rustle of trees and the call of birds overhead. It felt good to be back in the world where things made sense—or, at least, where you could pretend they did.
“Alright, whatever,” you muttered to yourself, starting to walk back toward the place you’d landed, grateful that at least Zephyrus wasn’t hovering around anymore. "You have a good day too," you muttered sarcastically, throwing one last glance at the hut as you made your way toward the lake once more. It was clear the Oracle wasn’t in any mood to provide more answers, and frankly, neither were you.
***
Your sisters sat on either side of you, Algaura leaning in with a furrowed brow while Clidippe played with the tassels of your blanket, clearly uninterested but humoring you nonetheless. You were pacing in frustration, your hands gesturing wildly as you retold the story, the words tumbling out of you faster than you could stop them.
“I mean, can you believe that? The Oracle actually charged me for every word! I paid her all I had left—five coins a word!” you exclaimed, throwing your hands up in exasperation. “And then, then she tells me my love is a monster. A beast—like, are you kidding me? Is that some kind of riddle? I don’t even know who she’s talking about!”
Clidippe snorted, not even looking up from the blanket. “Sounds like a bunch of nonsense, honestly. Why would you go to that old crone for advice in the first place? She’s just as cryptic as everyone else. ‘A monster’? Please. It’s probably just some dramatic thing to make you worry.”
Algaura, ever the more thoughtful one, tilted her head. “I’m with Clidippe on this one, Y/n. It sounds like something made up to keep you hooked on her words. Monsters? That’s absurd. It’s just another way to keep you tethered to superstition.”
“But, what if it’s not?” you muttered, sinking down beside them, running a hand through your hair. "What if there really is someone out there that—" You cut yourself off, swallowing hard. “What if that’s the whole point? What if I’m going to fall for someone... dangerous?”
Clidippe rolled her eyes. “Oh please. Don’t be so dramatic. You’re looking for some deep meaning in a riddle when you’ve already got enough suitors begging for your attention. If you’re smart, you’ll just stick with someone safe. You’ve got everything you need, don’t let some fortune teller confuse you.”
Algaura, however, seemed less sure, her lips pressed together in contemplation. “Maybe Clidippe’s right about not overthinking it. But still, I can’t help but wonder if there’s more to what the Oracle said than just her usual rambling. Could it be…? No, never mind.” She quickly shook her head, cutting off her own thought.
Clidippe let out a sharp yelp as you flopped onto the bed, crashing right into her. She groaned, smacking your arm in mock annoyance. "Uggghhhh... Is it too much to ask for a guy that can rock my shit without being weird?"
You felt the bed dip as you lay there, burying your face into the pillow in frustration. “Seriously! It’s like every suitor out there either has some insane expectation or, like, weird obsession. What do they even want from me? I can’t even breathe without someone offering me their life.”
Algaura, sitting at the edge of the bed, gave you a sidelong glance, her lips curling slightly in amusement. "You do realize that many of them are after your title, right? It's not you, it's the whole princess thing. You’re a catch, Y/n."
“But I don’t want to be a catch,” you groaned, your face still buried in the pillow. “I just want someone who actually likes me for me, not for what I can do for them, or because of some ridiculous prophecy.”
Clidippe snorted. “Who said you needed anyone? You’ve got everything you need right here, don’t you?” She gestured to the lavish surroundings of your room, the fine fabrics, the jewelry, and everything else. “No one’s worth losing your peace of mind over. You’re a princess—act like one.”
You lifted your head, a frown tugging at your lips. “But what if there’s something more, Clidippe? Something out there I’m missing. The Oracle said—”
“Ugh, stop going on about that!” Clidippe threw up her hands, clearly fed up. “That old woman probably saw some rat scurrying around and thought it was a monster. You’re overthinking it. Trust me, the best thing you can do is just enjoy being you.”
You stared at the ceiling, the weight of her words settling in. Maybe she was right. Maybe you just needed to stop worrying about the unknown and focus on the life in front of you, the one that was full of luxury and comfort.
But something about that thought still felt hollow.
***
That night, you could slept like a baby. How? only Hypnos knew. But it didn't matter. soft feathers fell gracefully to your floor, the sounds of feet padding across even softer. His eyes searched in the dark, looking at the figure hidden in the blankets.
Aphrodite said just one arrow should work. But then- you turn, shuffling, exposing yourself.
Gods you were beautiful.
His fingers trembled as he held the delicate, glistening arrow between his fingers. The moment had come. He had watched from the shadows, unseen, waiting for the right moment to strike. Aphrodite had been clear: One arrow to make you fall in love, and everything would be his. But as he stared at you, his breath caught in his throat, and the arrow—a weapon meant to bend hearts—slipped from his grasp, pricking his own skin.
A sharp, cold sensation shot through him, a tremor that reached deep into his chest, igniting a burning heat inside him. The world blurred as the room seemed to shift. His thoughts, once precise and calculated, became erratic. His pulse quickened as a foreign ache stirred deep within his bones.
No... No. This wasn’t part of the plan. He was supposed to control this. He was supposed to be the one to make you fall, not the other way around. Yet, as he watched you, still sleeping, he could feel his heart pounding louder than ever before. It wasn’t just the allure of your beauty; it was something deeper, something he couldn’t name.
He took a slow step forward, watching you with an intensity he had never experienced before. The arrow was forgotten now, discarded on the floor. His mind raced, thoughts tumbling over one another as he tried to make sense of the overwhelming feeling that had taken hold of him.
And then, as if guided by an invisible force, his hand reached toward you. The same hand that had been meant to hold the arrow now reached for the warmth of your skin, trembling with a new kind of desire—one that wasn’t born of manipulation or divine intervention, but of something far more real. Something he couldn’t control.
Your skin was... soft. Softer than he imagined it could be. The warmth of it seeped into his fingertips, sending a jolt up his arm that made him freeze. His breath hitched, his heart racing uncontrollably as if it were trying to match the rhythm of your own. He wasn’t sure what he expected, but this—this was entirely different.
His thumb brushed over the curve of your shoulder, featherlight, as if afraid the touch might break you or, worse, wake you. It was a tenderness he didn’t recognize in himself, a care he wasn’t sure he was capable of. The simple contact stirred something deeper, something raw and unguarded that he didn’t want to confront.
For a fleeting moment, he let himself indulge in the serenity of the moment. The way your chest rose and fell with each breath, the peaceful expression on your face, the strands of hair that had fallen across your cheek—all of it captivated him, held him in place like an invisible tether.
And then, as quickly as the moment came, reality sank in. What was he doing? He wasn’t supposed to touch you, wasn’t supposed to feel this. You were the mortal. A fleeting existence compared to his own. Yet here he was, unable to pull away, unable to resist the pull that seemed to come from within his very soul.
He clenched his jaw, withdrawing his hand slowly, reluctantly. His gaze lingered on you for a moment longer, a mix of confusion and longing swirling in his chest. He had come here with a purpose, but now, he wasn’t sure he could go through with it.
"Well, fuck... Mother will not be happy about this," he murmured under his breath, dragging his hand away from your shoulder as if burned by his own foolishness. He let out a frustrated sigh, his eyes flicking down to the arrow he had dropped earlier. With a swift movement, he retrieved it, inspecting the delicate tip as if it held the answers to his predicament.
The temptation to stay lingered in the air like an unspoken promise, but he shook his head, steeling himself.
No. Not tonight.
With one last look at your sleeping form, a mixture of awe and frustration playing across his face, he stepped back into the shadows. You were still, serene, and unaware of the storm he had just unleashed within himself.
"I’ll come back for you," he whispered into the silence, the words hanging in the air like an unbreakable vow.
And then he was gone, leaving only a faint trace of feathers and the lingering warmth of his presence.
***
The rumors hadn’t stopped. If anything, they had grown more wild and insistent, with whispers of suitors climbing palace walls and offering impossible treasures for just a glimpse of you. It was overwhelming, stifling even, and yet none of it mattered—not when the oracle’s words kept echoing in your head.
"A monster."
True love was true love, wasn’t it? That’s what all the stories said. Love wasn’t supposed to care for appearances or stature. And if your destined love happened to be a beast? Well...so be it. You’d face it head-on, the way you had faced everything else in life.
Which is how you found yourself perched on a windswept cliff, staring out at the vast expanse of sea. The roar of the waves below filled the air, mingling with the occasional caw of seabirds circling above. The sky was painted in soft shades of twilight, the sun dipping low on the horizon, and still, you sat there, waiting.
For what, exactly? You weren’t sure. Some grand, monstrous entrance, maybe. Something to finally give you the excitement your heart craved.
Instead, there was nothing but the rhythmic crash of the waves and the wind tugging at your hair.
You sighed, leaning back on your hands, letting the cool stone press against your palms. "Honestly," you muttered to yourself, "if this beast is real, it’s taking its sweet time."
You kicked a pebble over the edge, watching it tumble down into the frothy waters below. It felt absurd, waiting for some mythical creature to show up like a character from a bard’s tale. And yet, here you were—bored, restless, and hoping for something, anything, to happen.
A light tap on your shoulder broke through the quiet, startling you out of your thoughts.
You turned your head sharply, expecting to see someone standing behind you—but there was no one there.
"Huh?" you muttered, frowning as you scanned the empty cliffside.
Another tap, this time on your other shoulder.
You whipped around again, irritation bubbling up in your chest. "Who—hey!"
Before you could finish, something soft but firm slid over your face, plunging you into darkness. A blindfold.
Your hands shot up, scrambling to pull it off. "What in the gods’ names—"
"Shhh," a low, velvet voice whispered in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine.
Your breath hitched. "Who are you? What do you want?"
A chuckle, soft and almost amused. "You called, didn’t you? Now I’m here."
Your heart raced as you froze in place, the voice far too close for comfort. "Called?" you echoed, confusion laced with a flicker of fear.
"Yes," the voice murmured, shifting to your other side. You could feel the faint brush of air against your cheek as the figure moved. "You waited for your beast. And now your beast has come."
Out of pure reflex, your fist shot forward, connecting solidly with something—or rather, someone. A sharp grunt of pain followed as the figure stumbled back.
"Ow! Seriously?" the voice hissed, filled with both surprise and indignation.
Your hands immediately flew up in panic, blindly waving in the air. "Sorry! Sorry—oh gods, that sounded like it hurt! Are you okay?" You reached for the blindfold, but no matter how you tugged at it, it didn’t budge.
"Would you stop—" the voice cut off, clearly frustrated. "Leave it," they commanded, the irritation in their tone mixed with a faint hint of amusement.
You froze, your hands hovering near the cloth covering your eyes. "What—what do you mean, leave it? I can’t see!"
"That’s kind of the point," they muttered dryly, and you could almost hear the smirk in their voice. "If I let you see me, it’d ruin the fun."
"Fun?" you echoed incredulously, half-tempted to swing again. "What kind of fun is this? Who just sneaks up on people, ties them up, and—"
"You’re not tied up," they interrupted smoothly.
"Blindfolded, whatever!" you snapped. "This is ridiculous!"
They chuckled, low and rich, sending another shiver down your spine. "You’re just mad you didn’t see it coming. But don’t worry, little mortal. I’m full of surprises."
Before you could deliver a follow-up punch or throw out another retort, his grip was sudden—fast, firm, and impossibly smooth. He scooped you up effortlessly, as though you weighed nothing at all.
"Hey! What the—put me down!" you protested, thrashing instinctively. But his hold didn’t falter; if anything, it tightened, keeping you steady despite your struggles.
"Stop squirming," he said, his voice closer now, velvet smooth and annoyingly calm. "You’ll hurt yourself, and I’d rather avoid that."
"Avoid that?" you snapped, kicking your legs uselessly in the air. "Maybe you should’ve thought about that before grabbing me like some—some deranged kidnapper!"
His laugh rumbled through you, infuriatingly warm for someone committing what absolutely felt like an abduction. "Kidnapper? Dramatic, aren’t we? I’d say this is more like… escorting."
"Escorting? You didn’t exactly give me a choice!"
"No," he admitted, and you could practically hear the grin in his tone. "I didn’t."
You twisted again, trying to wrench yourself free, but he was impossibly strong. And now, despite the blindfold, you were acutely aware of something—his warmth, the way his hands cradled you with surprising care despite his teasing tone.
Your voice dropped to a mutter, frustration blending with confusion. "Who even are you?"
There was a pause, and then: "Wouldn’t you like to know?"
And then he threw you off the cliff.
The air was ripped from your lungs as you felt yourself being hurled into the void, the edge of the cliff disappearing behind you. The blindfold fell off now, flying away to return to its owner.
A scream tore from your throat, panic flooding every part of your body. But instead of the gut-wrenching drop you expected, the wind surged around you, catching you with a powerful, almost gentle force.
"Zephyrus?!" you gasped, recognizing the familiar warmth of the west wind as it wrapped around you, carrying you upward and away from the rocky descent.
There was no response.
"Zaephryus, answer me!" you demanded, your voice rising with the chaos of your emotions. But this time, he didn’t answer. No playful quip, no cheeky banter—just a strange, disquieting silence.
You tried to crane your neck, but the wind was too fast, too strong, rushing around you as if it were trying to shield you. Something wasn’t right. The usually carefree spirit felt… afraid.
"What’s going on?" you shouted, your voice carried off into the night. "Why aren’t you talking to me?"
Still, there was nothing. Only the sound of the wind, howling louder than it ever had before.
You stumbled as you were dropped unceremoniously in front of the palace gates, the sudden shift from the wind's embrace to solid ground leaving you dizzy and disoriented. You barely caught yourself, hands pressing against the cool stone walls for balance.
"What in the—" Your words cut off as you tried to steady yourself, confusion flooding your senses. The wind was already gone, leaving only the strange echo of its absence.
You glanced around, expecting something, anything, to make sense of the situation, but it didn’t. The night air felt thick and tense, and the sound of your own heart pounding seemed louder than ever.
Why had Zephyrus brought you here? Why had he ignored you so completely?
A chill ran down your spine as a shiver of dread prickled the back of your neck.
And that’s when you heard it—a soft whisper in the air, so faint you almost thought it was your imagination.
"Aphrodite..." The word drifted past your ears, a whisper that felt like it had come from the very air itself, and your stomach dropped.
You’d heard rumors about her, about what she could do, but this? This felt like something darker. Something that made the air feel heavier, as if the world around you was closing in.
What had you gotten yourself into?
***
The days in the palace had turned into a surreal rhythm. It was odd, almost dreamlike, to move through the grand halls filled with invisible hands that seemed to anticipate your every need. The peace was nice, and the constant arguing was a thing of the past. For once, you were allowed to exist in the silence of your own thoughts without boredom…at first.
Still, the so-called "beast" was a mystery. He was everywhere and nowhere all at once. His voice followed you through the corridors, rich and smooth, a deep timbre that wrapped around you like the softest silk. He’d talk to you during your strolls in the lush gardens, his voice carrying on the wind. At meals, you’d hear him as though he were seated right across from you, but the chair always remained empty yet all only at night. When you first arrived, he’d told you that everything in the palace belonged to you. And he kept true to his word about that.
And yet soon enough, you became lonely again, only looking forward to the night, when he would visit you.
Oh, how his hands would worship you, smooth over your body, lips whispering praises as he lost himself in you every night…
But still…
“You’re avoiding me,” you’d accused once, poking at the air with a fork.
“I could never avoid you,” he’d replied smoothly, a chuckle in his voice. “I am always with you.”
It was infuriating.
You tried to reason with him, plead with him, even bribe him to show himself, but every time he’d laugh softly and give the same answer:
“No, my love.”
The palace, as beautiful as it was, began to feel like a gilded cage. You couldn’t leave, though you hadn’t really tried yet. Something about the way the invisible servants seemed to watch your every move was unsettling. They weren’t unkind, but they were a constant, quiet reminder that you were not entirely free.
***
And yet, despite the strangeness of it all, you couldn’t deny that you’d started to enjoy your conversations with the beast. He was clever, funny even, and he always seemed to know just what to say to draw a laugh or a blush from you.
But there was one thing you couldn’t shake:
Why wouldn’t he let you see him?
You sat on the edge of the plush velvet chaise, the weight of the ring on your finger now feeling oddly familiar, though still heavy with unspoken meaning. The palace felt more like a home each passing day, but something about the silence from your sisters made the air feel thicker, colder. You needed to talk to him. Needed his presence, his guidance.
“Husband?” you called again, voice soft, yet laced with the hint of a question that had been bubbling inside you for days. You hadn't been able to shake the thought of them—Algaura, Clidippe.You missed them. And there was a strange part of you that wanted to show them this strange new world you had found yourself in. It wasn't just about the palace or the mystery of your beastly husband—it was about you, too.
You were different now, weren’t you?
The air shifted, faint at first, but undeniable. His voice rang out, a deep, soothing sound that filled the space despite his absence.
“What do you need, my love?”
His words never failed to make the corners of your lips twitch into a smile, despite the frustration simmering in your chest. You swallowed the rising feeling before it had a chance to take root. This was him—your husband. The one you’d been growing to care for, though you'd never seen his face, never truly understood the full weight of the creature that he was.
“I—well... I’ve been thinking about my sisters,” you began, your fingers absentmindedly playing with the ring on your finger. “I miss them. Could... could I invite them to visit?”
There was a pause, a long stretch of quiet that made the silence in the room feel as if it were pressing in on you. You held your breath, unsure of his answer. What would he say?
He responded, his tone carefully measured, yet a softness lingered within it. “Your sisters…”
He didn’t continue immediately, but his voice didn’t waver. “Why would you want them here?” His question wasn’t harsh, but there was a clear undertone of concern.
The question hit you harder than you expected, but you pushed through. “Because... I miss them. And because I want them to see... see you. See this place. It’s... it’s not so bad here, not really.” You bit your lip, mentally cursing yourself for the half-formed confession. But it was the truth.
“You wish to bring them here to... what?” he asked, his voice almost... quiet. There was a trace of something you couldn’t quite place in his tone. Was it hesitation? Was he afraid of what your sisters might see, or worse, of what they might think of him?
No, impossible. He was too secure for that. The thought of him caring about their opinions was laughable in itself. You licked your lips, your mouth suddenly dry. It wasn’t about fear—at least, not for him. Was it about you?
“I just wish to spend some time with them. Maybe have tea. Please?” you murmured, your voice soft yet earnest. You didn’t know why you were so nervous, or why you felt the need to plead your case. But the words tumbled out before you could stop them.
There was no immediate response, but the weight of his presence filled the room. You felt it—oddly comforting yet undeniably strange—the weight of his head resting in your lap. It was something he did when he was deep in thought, seeking your touch without words.
Your hand moved instinctively to his hair, fingers threading through the invisible strands as you began to gently massage his head. It was surreal, feeling the texture and warmth of him, knowing he was there yet unable to truly see him. His arms wrapped around your waist, grounding you in the moment.
“I could say no,” he finally said, his voice low and deliberate, the vibration of his words almost tangible against you. “But I don’t want to deny you something you long for.”
Your heart leaped, a mix of hope and relief flooding your chest. “You mean...?”
“I’ll allow it,” he said, his tone softer now. “But only if you promise me one thing.”
You stilled, your hand pausing in his hair. “Anything,” you whispered.
“Promise me you’ll tell me if their visit troubles you.” There was something in his voice—a protectiveness that made your chest tighten. “I’ll arrange for them to come, but your happiness is my only concern.”
You exhaled slowly, your hand resuming its gentle movement. “I promise.”
And though you couldn’t see his face, you could feel the warmth of his contentment, the invisible lines between you both softening in the quiet of the room.
***
Clidippe and Algaura sat across from you, their expressions a mix of confusion and awe as the servant poured tea into delicate cups, their hands trembling slightly from the sheer surprise. They must have been in a state of adrenaline; Zephryus had whisked them to the palace on your husband’s orders. You, on the other hand, could barely contain your excitement. The familiar faces of your sisters, so long absent from your life, were a welcome sight.
Clidippe raised an eyebrow, eyeing the invisible space next to you, where the beast’s presence loomed. “So… this is where you’ve been all this time?” she asked, her voice cautious, yet carrying a sharpness that suggested she wasn’t quite ready to believe everything she was seeing.
You, on the other hand, were practically buzzing with excitement. "Isn't it incredible?" you asked, your voice bright and brimming with enthusiasm. "The palace, the gardens, the servants—it’s like something out of a dream!"
Clidippe glanced at Algaura, her lips pressing into a thin line. "A dream... or a curse," she muttered under her breath, though loud enough for you to catch.
"Clidippe!" you scolded, though your grin didn’t falter. "Don’t be so dramatic. It’s not a curse. It’s... well, okay, it’s unconventional, but I’m happy here!"
"Happy?" Algaura asked, raising a skeptical brow. "With an invisible husband?" She leaned in slightly, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Have you even seen him yet?"
You hesitated, your hands tightening slightly around your own teacup. "Well... no, not exactly," you admitted, trying to sound casual. "But we talk all the time, and he’s kind, and thoughtful, and... he loves me."
Clidippe let out an incredulous laugh, setting her teacup down with a sharp clink. "Y/n, how can you know that if you’ve never even seen him? What if he’s some monster? What if he’s—"
Algaura, always one to amplify a dramatic moment, leaned forward, her voice rising slightly. "What if he’s evil or—" she gasped, eyes wide with mock horror, "—ugly?"
"Algaura!" you scolded, setting your teacup down so forcefully that the porcelain rattled. "He’s not evil. And even if he were... um, ugly, it wouldn’t matter!"
"Wouldn’t it, though?" Clidippe chimed in, arching a brow. "You’ve got this whole fairytale thing going on here, but isn’t it weird that he hasn’t shown you his face? What’s he hiding?"
You crossed your arms, glaring at both of them. "He’s not hiding anything. He told me he wants me to get to know him for who he is, not what he looks like. And honestly, I think that’s kind of beautiful."
"Or kind of suspicious," Algaura muttered under her breath, earning a glare from you.
"Look," you said firmly, "I didn’t invite you here to criticize my life or my husband. I wanted you to see that I’m happy, that I’m okay. Can’t you just trust me on this?"
Clidippe set her teacup down with a deliberate clink, fixing you with a serious gaze. "We can't, actually." Her words were sharp, cutting through the fragile layer of joy you'd been clinging to. "You're being a fool."
Her bluntness stung, and you felt your chest tighten. "A fool?" you echoed, your voice barely above a whisper.
"Yes," she continued, unrelenting. "You’re living in some enchanted palace, surrounded by invisible servants, married to someone who won’t even show you who he is. And you think that’s normal? That that’s love?"
Algaura nodded reluctantly, her earlier teasing replaced by a more subdued concern. "Clidippe’s right. We just... we don’t want you to get hurt. What if—"
You held up a hand, silencing her. "I know what you’re going to say. What if he’s dangerous? What if he’s lying? What if this is all some trap? I’ve heard it all before."
"And have you considered any of it?" Clidippe pressed. "Because, honestly, it doesn’t sound like you have."
Your lips parted to argue, but no words came out. Deep down, you knew they had a point.
"You’ve always been headstrong," Clidippe continued, her tone softening. "And we love that about you. But sometimes... sometimes you’re so stubborn you can’t see the cliff you’re about to walk off of."
The room felt heavy, the warmth of the tea and the laughter from earlier evaporating into an uncomfortable silence.
"I’m not walking off a cliff," you said finally, your voice quiet but steady. "I know this seems strange to you, but I feel safe here. He makes me feel safe."
"Then why hasn’t he shown you who he really is?" Clidippe asked gently.
You didn’t have an answer. And that, more than anything, made their words cut even deeper.
***
Later that night, long after your sisters had left, you waited eagerly for your husband, who, as per usual, arrived with a gust of wind blowing through the naked windows. You giggle excitedly as the wind blew into your hair, smiling big as you feel him embrace you tenderly. “I take it you enjoyed yourself?” He murmurs in your ear, his lips gently nipping the shell. “I did! They were happy for me, husband,”
You feel him tense for a split second before relaxing. “Happy? They didn’t question it?”
You pull away, waving your arms as you clarify. “Oh, no- they definitely did, but it was just curious questions, nothing to fret over. Oh! And Helina had made the most delicious tea earlier. I think she had put pomegranates in it!” He chuckled at your excitement, patting your head affectionately, “That so? Then I will give you all the world of pomegranates.”
His hand slid down to your jaw, and with the other, he returned the blindfold to your eyes so that he could stop hiding.
It’s a natural thing now. But… when he does so, you can’t help but think about how your sisters had questioned your love if you’ve never seen your husband.
The thoughts leave just as quickly as they came, his lips following a trail only known to him as he lifts you off your feet.
***
The feathered mattress was comfortable as it ever was, staying cool against your hot skin as your husband ravished you. Your knees were pressed up to your chest, your hands grasping at the pillows, sheets, him- whatever you could find to anchor you.
You tried to keep quiet, truly, but it was much harder than you thought. The blindfold, coiled with his touch and pleas for you to be more vocal? It was simply too much. It was one thing to not have the blindfold and not see him, but to have your sight denied?
You could feel how the goosebumps rose, hairs sticking up, your arms feeling all but off.
“C’mon, sweet princess, please don’t hide your voice. Sing for me, yeah?” His voice murmured softly as kisses decorated your skin, down your inner thighs.
“Husband-” “Rafayel.”
What?
You open your eyes, the black from them being covered of course blocking what you could see.
“Call me Rafayel.” His voice was light. Airy. In need.
When you don’t immediately address him as so, he presses a kiss to your clothed cunt, tapping it so affectionatley. “C’mon princess, don’t hesitate now of all times.”
And the words he used were like honey, his lips on your clothed folds a dessert to your sense of touch.
“I- okay, Rafayel,”
He hums in delight, kissing your cunt again, your underwear wet and soft against his lips as he moves your thigh to open wider, make more space for him. “Thank you, my love,”
You didn’t even question why he was only now giving you a name to address him as; “husband” was perfectly fine for the months you had been here beforehand.
Then again, how could you focus, when your husband’s- when Rafayel’s- lips were so loving and his fingers so tender as he pulled the fabric to the side, all but worshipping your cunt.
His fingers patted it softly, humming in approval at just how wet you were, giving a quick kiss to your exposed clit. Your hips jerk, he’s enjoying it as he spreads your folds open, bringing his tongue to lay flat, swiping up, up, up to the tippy top, his nose bumping your clit as he groans.
“Pretty girl, my sweet wife, I’m sorry for keeping you waiting every day for night to come, ‘s not because of you. Could you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?” Like you were ambrosia, he drank, drank, drank from you, not waiting for an answer, as he already knew.
But again.
Your sisters words crept in the back of your mind as the night carried on….
***
…Doubt is a cruel thing. It slithered into your mind and refused to let go, wrapping its coils tighter with every passing moment. The warmth of his presence, his gentle words, the invisible hands that cared for you—they all felt too good to be true now, tainted by the seeds of your sisters' concern.
The room felt suffocating as you stared at the flickering flame of the oil lamp, its light casting eerie shadows across the walls. The knife was cold in your hand, its gleaming edge a stark contrast to the warmth of the flame. You could feel your heart hammering in your chest, a mixture of fear and doubt twisting in your gut.
What if they were right? What if you were blind to the truth, just swept up in the illusion of safety and comfort he'd created? What if this whole thing, the grand gestures, the unseen servants, the kindness he'd shown you... what if it was all a game, a way to keep you trapped in his web?
You shook your head, trying to push the thoughts away, but they kept creeping in, clawing at the edges of your mind. "What if he's just using me?" you whispered to yourself, the words tasting bitter on your tongue.
You glanced at the knife again, its sharp blade gleaming menacingly in the lamplight. It wasn’t like you intended to hurt him—at least, not physically—but you had to know. You had to see what he was, who he really was.
With trembling hands, you set the knife down and reached for the lamp. It was an impulsive decision, one born out of fear, not logic. But you needed to know the truth, and if that meant seeing him for who he truly was, then you'd face it. Even if it broke your heart.
The silence of the room was deafening as you quietly slipped out of bed and headed toward the door. You weren’t sure what you were going to do once you found him, but at this point, the uncertainty gnawed at you more than anything else.
Your pulse raced in the stillness, every step heavier than the last as you ventured deeper into the corridors of the palace. The shadows seemed to stretch longer, the air thicker with each breath you took. The further you went, the more you felt like you were walking into something you couldn’t turn back from. Something... irreversible.
The palace seemed to whisper as you moved, the halls groaning underfoot. And just as you reached the doorway to his chambers, your breath hitched. Was this really what you wanted? To confront the beast, to strip away the mystery, to shatter the fragile peace you’d built?
But there was no turning back now.
You pressed the lamp to the door, the faint glow barely illuminating the intricate carvings etched in the wood. The knife felt like an anchor in your hand, both a lifeline and a threat.
"Please..." you murmured, unsure whether you were praying or pleading with yourself, "Just... just let me see the truth."
And then, with a deep breath, you pushed open the door.
You froze in the doorway, the oil lamp trembling in your grasp. The sight before you was almost too much to comprehend. Your husband—no, this—was not what you had expected. Not in the slightest.
His body lay still, relaxed in sleep, draped in the faintest sheen of moonlight that filtered through the window. His skin shimmered faintly, as though kissed by the gods themselves, and his chest rose and fell with a peaceful rhythm. His wings, vast and impossibly beautiful, were folded neatly behind him, feathers soft and iridescent, catching the light in a cascade of colors that seemed almost otherworldly.
You took a hesitant step closer, the flame of your lamp flickering as though it too was stunned into silence. His features were perfect—sharper than you imagined yet softened in slumber.
You had known his presence, felt his warmth, his embrace. But now, seeing him like this, unguarded and vulnerable, the fear that had driven you here melted away like mist in the early morning sun. The knife in your hand felt foolish now, heavy with the weight of your doubts, and you realized just how misplaced your fears had been.
His beauty was undeniable. Everything about him—from his sculpted features to the grace with which he rested—was perfect. The lavender curls of his hair framed his face so gently, his long lashes resting peacefully against his cheeks.
Another step forward. The lips that had whispered sweet nothings to you now parted slightly as he breathed. And those hands... the hands that had touched you so tenderly, cradled your face, and drawn soft gasps from your lips—they rested loosely on the bed, every vein and knuckle a masterpiece.
But it was the wings that held your attention. They weren’t just wings; they were art. Each feather seemed crafted by divine hands, glimmering with colors you couldn’t even name. They exuded warmth and power, a silent testament to his nature—whatever that nature might truly be.
Your throat felt tight. You wanted to cry out, to drop the lamp and run to him, to apologize for doubting him, for letting your sisters' words cloud your mind. But something rooted you in place. A mix of awe and fear kept you there, staring down at the man—the being—you’d married.
Who are you? the thought screamed in your mind, louder than you intended. Your lips parted, but no sound came out.
But you knew.
You knew he was a god.
How stupid- how foolish of you.
And then, as if sensing the weight of your gaze, his eyes fluttered open. Those eyes... they were a storm of colors, shifting like the tides, deep and endless. He blinked, confusion crossing his face before realization struck. His gaze fell to the lamp in your hands, and then to the knife, still clenched tightly in your trembling fingers.
His expression changed. Hurt. Betrayal. A crack forming in his once serene features.
“Y/n,” he said, his voice soft yet heavy with disbelief. “Why?”
His eyes, once warm and filled with a tenderness you had come to know, now held a coldness that made your heart drop. The air between you thickened with the weight of unspoken words, his grief pulling at the edges of his features.
“Why?” His voice was a whisper, rough with emotion. “After everything… after I’ve shown you nothing but care, why would you—” His breath hitched, his wings shuddering slightly as if even they were trying to shield him from the sting of your doubt.
You opened your mouth, but no words came. The knife trembled in your grasp, the edge of it catching the faint light of the room. The lamp you had forgotten to put down flickered as if in sympathy for the tension that crackled in the air.
“I didn’t mean… I just…” Your voice was small, barely a whisper. What did you mean? What could you say to undo this?
You had wanted to confront the fear that had been gnawing at you, the doubt planted by your sisters. They had warned you, raised questions you hadn't wanted to entertain. What if he’s a monster? What if he’s only been pretending to be kind? It was foolish, you knew that now. But in the quiet moments, when your mind wandered, the questions took root.
He reached for the knife gently, his movements slow, cautious. His fingers brushed yours, a brief, almost hesitant touch. “You thought I was a monster,” he murmured, more to himself than to you, the pain in his voice evident.
You recoiled, clutching the knife to your chest in an instinctive defense. "No, I didn’t—I thought—" Your words faltered as you met his gaze again. “I was scared. I didn’t know what to believe.”
The hurt in his eyes deepened. He stood, his wings flexing as he moved closer, his presence overwhelming yet gentle. “I’ve shown you nothing but who I am—who I really am,” he said, each word deliberate, his voice breaking slightly. “And yet, this doubt… it lingers in your heart?”
“It was your sisters, wasn’t it?”
His grip on your wrist was firm, his eyes narrowing with a hurt that twisted in a way that made your heart ache even more. The anger in his voice was unmistakable, sharp like a blade itself.
"It was your sisters, wasn't it?" he repeated, the words heavy with accusation. The quiet rage simmered beneath his words, as if the mere thought of their influence was enough to unravel whatever fragile peace you’d built. His wings twitched, his body rigid with tension.
Before you could respond, he yanked the knife from your grasp, tossing it aside with a flick of his wrist. It landed with a soft thud on the floor, its sharpness now rendered useless in the face of his fury.
The silence stretched between you, thick and suffocating. His anger wasn't just at the doubt you’d harbored—it was at the outside voices that had planted the seeds of it. He had allowed himself to believe in you, in what you could be together, only for that fragile trust to be shattered by their words.
"I warned you," he spat, his breath quickening. "I warned you not to listen to them. They know nothing of us, of what we are." His fists clenched at his sides, the muscles in his jaw tightening.
It felt as though the very air around you had shifted, turning cold and heavy. You wanted to apologize, to explain, to beg for his understanding, but the words seemed to stick in your throat.
The beast before you—your beast—wasn’t just angry. He was hurt, deeply so. It wasn’t just the betrayal of your doubt. It was the years of isolation, the weight of everything he’d carried in silence, the belief that for once, someone might truly see him for who he was.
"I wanted to protect you," he muttered, his voice cracking slightly as he looked away, fighting the emotions that were bubbling to the surface. His wings were tight against his back, the darkened feathers almost trembling with the weight of it all.
The truth was, you had been foolish. You had let the whispers of your sisters cloud your judgment, but now, standing before him, you saw the depth of his pain—the depth of your own misunderstanding. It wasn’t just about him being a beast; it was about him being someone who had allowed you into his world, and you had almost thrown it all away.
"You—" He stopped himself, swallowing hard. "I thought you understood me." His hands went to your throat for a brief moment, his eyes full with the intent to snap it, but something stops him. It wasn’t the pitiful way your hands clawed at his grasp to let you go, or your pleas for forgiveness, no. It was the fact that he even considered to snap it. Rafayel thought that surely he was done with such fantasies, the urge to break you apart every time he bed you- to rip your head, to bite and tear into your flesh, to utterly consume you, he thought he could hold back, no, that he must hold back. In a mix of horror at himself and grief- mourning at your betrayal, he took a step back, letting you drop to the floor and crumpling.
Your heart dropped as his wings unfurled, the magnificent span of them taking up the entire room, and before you could even fully comprehend what was happening, he was gone. His words, cold and final, lingered in the air long after his form disappeared into the night sky.
"You...You have betrayed me. And I have no need for traitors. I- I’m- forgive me, for not earning your trust,"
The words echoed in your mind like a death sentence. The finality in his voice, the hurt that bled through his anger—it was all too much. You were left standing there, breathless, as the silence rushed in to fill the void he had left behind. The weight of his absence crushed down on you, suffocating. Tears welled in your eyes, but they didn’t fall. Instead, they stung—burning with the guilt of your actions, of the doubt you had let fester and bloom in your heart. You were a fool to let anyone, even those you loved, make you question him. He had shown you nothing but care, nothing but love, and you—you had betrayed him with your own insecurities.
"No," you whispered to yourself, shaking your head as if to rid yourself of the thought. But it didn’t work. The guilt remained, a gnawing feeling that twisted in your gut.
You rushed to the window, pressing your palms against the cold glass, but there was nothing—no sign of him, just the empty expanse of the sky. He was gone, and you were left in the wreckage of your own foolishness.
"Please," you whispered, the desperation in your voice thick. "Please, come back."
But the wind only howled back at you, carrying his absence like a cruel reminder of what you had done.
It was too late to take it all back. Too late to explain that you hadn’t meant to hurt him, that you were just scared. But now, there was no one left to explain it to.
Tears finally spilled from your eyes as you sank to your knees on the cold floor, your heart shattered. The bed, once a place of warmth and love, now felt empty, a reminder of the broken trust between you.
You had lost him. And you weren't sure how to find him again.
***
A month passed in a haze of silence. The palace, once full of warmth and life, now felt like a cold, oppressive shell. The servants remained kind, as they always had been, but their smiles were hollow, their eyes carrying the weight of something unsaid. You could feel their pity, even if it was never spoken aloud.
The days blurred into one another, each one spent in the same routine—quiet walks through the gardens, meals that were eaten alone, and long hours in your room, staring out at the world outside the palace walls, wishing for something—anything—to change. The silence of your husband’s absence was deafening. He hadn’t returned, hadn’t even sent word.
Your thoughts were consumed with guilt and regret, constantly replaying that night over and over in your mind. What if you had just trusted him? What if you had never listened to your sisters, to the doubts that they planted in your mind? But it was too late for what ifs. The damage was done, and you were left with nothing but a gnawing emptiness inside.
The loneliness was suffocating. You had always relied on your sisters to bring laughter and comfort, but now, with no one to share your thoughts and fears with, you felt more isolated than ever. You missed them terribly—their teasing, their warmth, their presence. You needed to see them again.
The palace felt like a prison, and you were a prisoner of your own making.
So, one evening, you made up your mind. You couldn’t stay here, not like this. You had to see your sisters, to feel some semblance of normalcy again. You had to fix what you had broken, no matter how impossible it seemed.
You slipped out of the palace, as quietly as you could, hoping that no one would stop you. The night air was cool, the scent of fresh flowers and earth filling your senses, but the sense of relief was short-lived. You couldn’t escape the tight knot in your chest—the dread of what you had lost and the uncertainty of what you would find.
“Zephyrus?”
He was there in an instant. Zephyrus’s voice was soft, as if he knew the weight of your request, even before you spoke it. "Of course, my lady. Home it is."
The wind responded to his call, swirling around you gently, as if coaxing you back into its embrace. You didn’t know if it was the wind’s touch or the weight of your own thoughts, but you felt the shift—the pull toward something that felt more familiar, more comforting than the cold emptiness that had become your palace.
With a quiet sigh, you felt the wind lift you off the ground, carrying you away from the place that had once been your home but now felt foreign. The cool air rushed past your skin, and the familiar feeling of flight made your chest tighten in both relief and sorrow.
"Zephyrus," you murmur again, this time with a hint of vulnerability in your voice. "Do you think… do you think I’ve ruined everything?"
There was no immediate answer, only the soft whoosh of the wind as you flew. His silence was not comforting, yet somehow, it gave you the space to reflect, to finally let yourself feel everything that had been buried inside.
It didn’t take long before you saw the familiar landscape below—green fields, gentle slopes, and, in the distance, the village where you grew up. Home. Your heart tightened, knowing that even this place might no longer feel the same after everything that had happened.
But this was where you belonged, wasn’t it?
Zephyrus landed you gently in a quiet corner near the palace, not far from where your sisters lived. His presence faded into the wind, leaving you standing there, facing the uncertainty of your future.
***
As you spoke, recounting everything that had happened—your marriage, your betrayal, your husband’s departure—it felt as though the words were echoing in an empty room. You saw the concern on their faces, the sadness in their eyes, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to ease the discomfort in your chest.
Clidippe’s eyes softened as she listened, but the skepticism in her voice was impossible to ignore. “So, he just… left?” she asked, her tone tinged with disbelief. “After everything? You let him leave like that?”
Algaura, who had been quiet until now, finally spoke up, her voice sharp. “You were so sure, Y/n. So sure he was something special. And now look at you. Empty-handed.”
Their words stung, each one sharper than the last. You hadn’t expected their support, not really, but this felt… different. You thought they would understand, that they would see the pain you were in, that they would comfort you in a way only family could. But instead, you felt like a stranger in their presence, isolated by your choices.
“I—” you started, but the words faltered in your throat, swallowed by the knot of guilt that tightened with every passing second.
Algaura’s eyes narrowed. “What, Y/n? What now? You want us to feel sorry for you? To fix this mess?”
Clidippe reached out, her hand resting gently on your shoulder. “We don’t blame you, Y/n. But you need to think about this. What’s next for you?”
You couldn’t answer. The emptiness inside you, the pain of knowing that you had hurt someone you loved deeply, it all churned inside, and there was no easy way to make it right. Not now. Not ever.
“I don’t know,” you whispered, feeling the weight of everything crash down on you. "I thought... I thought I knew what I wanted, but now... I don't even know who I am anymore."
The silence stretched between you and your sisters, an uncomfortable weight. They didn’t have the answers, either. And neither did you.
It felt wrong. It felt like no matter how hard you tried, there was no going back. You couldn’t undo what had been done. And worse yet, the wound you had created in your heart was only growing deeper, as if the space where your husband used to be was now an aching void you couldn't fill.
And the worst part? You weren’t sure you even wanted to anymore.
***
Clidippe and Algaura were more than pleased after you left. "Perhaps, he'll take one of us to be his wife?" Clidippe said, almost cheerfully.
Algaura let out a small laugh, though it was cold and cynical. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. After all, we’re far more deserving than Y/n, aren’t we?”
The two of them exchanged a glance, one that spoke volumes, though it said nothing aloud. The tension was palpable, their earlier concern for you now replaced by something darker, more calculating.
Clidippe leaned back, her expression shifting from one of mirth to something far more calculating. "I always thought Y/n was too naïve to keep something like that. Such a fool to waste an opportunity with someone like him."
Algaura scoffed. "Exactly. So much potential thrown away. It’s almost laughable." She leaned in, her voice lowering to a conspiratorial tone. “But I’m not so sure. There might be a way for us to claim what she couldn’t.”
Clidippe’s eyes gleamed with a quiet determination. “Let’s wait and see. If he comes back... we’ll be ready.” She paused for a moment, as if contemplating something more. "We don’t need her to ruin things for us again."
Algaura smirked, a cold, confident expression. "No, we won’t let her."
"Better idea. Why don't we just go to the cliff and have that wind god take us?" "Sister!”
Clidippe raised an eyebrow, but the mischievous glint in her eyes betrayed her amusement. "You know, I might just be tempted to take you up on that offer. Imagine the look on her face when we show up with him in tow."
Algaura laughed again, but this time it was tinged with something darker. "What a sight that would be. A wind god at our side, whisking us away... too bad we’d have to deal with her first, wouldn’t we?"
Clidippe shrugged, her smile widening. "Why deal with her when we can let her waste away in her pitiful loneliness? It's more fun this way, don't you think?"
The two sisters shared a knowing look, their plans already forming in the corners of their minds. Whatever they did next, it was clear they had no intention of letting you get in the way of their ambitions.
***
“You what?” Aphrodite fumed as she tended to her son.
Rafayel flinched, his wings tensing behind him as his mother’s words echoed in the grand hall. "Mother, please, calm down."
"Calm down?" Aphrodite’s voice rang out, her tone venomous. "You’ve disgraced yourself, and worse—her! You let a mortal get the better of you, make a fool of you, and you hide it like it’s some kind of prize?" She spun around, eyes blazing with fury. "Do you even understand what this means?"
Rafayel, for the first time, didn’t know how to respond. His silence seemed to only fuel his mother’s rage.
"You don’t know the first thing about real love, Rafayel!" Aphrodite’s voice cracked as she gestured toward the grandiose chambers. "That mortal girl is just a stepping stone. You’ve thrown away everything for her—your honor, your name, and now your position among the gods."
"But mother, she loved me," Rafayel said softly, the weight of his words falling heavily in the air between them.
Aphrodite’s laughter was cold. "Love? No, my son. What you call love is nothing more than infatuation. Mortal affection is fleeting, and you—" She narrowed her gaze, "—you have let it consume you. You cannot afford such weakness. Not as my son. Not as the being you were destined to be."
Rafayel stared at her, a distant sadness in his eyes. "You don’t understand. She’s different."
Aphrodite’s lips curled into a sneer. "And you will suffer because of it. You always do." She turned away, as if dismissing him. "You had a job to do, but you couldn’t even do that.”
Rafayel’s shoulders sagged under the weight of his mother’s fury, his wings folding tightly against his back, as if trying to shrink from her anger. His eyes, usually so confident and composed, were now filled with a mixture of sadness and uncertainty. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, unsure of how to express the turmoil swirling inside him.
"Mother, please..." he whispered, his voice quiet and vulnerable, almost pleading. "I didn’t mean to disappoint you. I just... I didn’t want to be alone anymore. She—she makes me feel alive. I’ve never felt anything like this before."
“That doesnt matter.”
"I... I thought you would be happy for me," Rafayel murmured, eyes dropping to the marble floor, a tear slipping down his cheek. "I thought you'd want me to be happy. You said... you said I should follow my heart. And now I’m following it... and you hate me for it."
His voice cracked as the reality of his mother’s rejection washed over him. He wasn’t the confident, untouchable creature he pretended to be. He was raw. He was hurt. And all he wanted, more than anything, was to share that with you. To be with you. But now, in this cold, unforgiving space, he didn’t know if he even deserved to.
"She’s everything I’ve ever wanted," he said softly, as if confessing a secret he was scared to admit. "And I don’t care what anyone says, not even you, mother. I love her. I love her more than you could ever understand."
His heart hammered in his chest, torn between the loyalty he had to his mother, the goddess who had raised him, and the love he had for his wife- you. "Please... just try to understand. This is real. She’s real." His voice faltered. "I don’t want to lose her."
But it was no use.
“You just let mother take care of this. Mother will fix everything.”
Rafayel's body jerked as the magic took hold of him, his wings freezing mid-flap. The transformation was swift, brutal, and without mercy. His form shrank, feathers sprouting where skin once was, his wings no longer elegant and powerful but instead simple and fragile. His sharp, pleading gaze locked with his mother’s, but the words he tried to speak caught in his throat, swallowed by the magic that overtook him. He could only chirp, a sound far from the voice he had once used to proclaim his love.
His body was small, vulnerable, caged. The bars of the iron cage pressed against his delicate wings, and a bitter taste of defeat filled his mouth. He flapped once, twice, but there was no escaping the confines of his mother's wrath.
Aphrodite stood, her face set in stone, her anger still simmering beneath her calm demeanor. She waved her hand dismissively, ignoring the bird trapped within the cage. The motherly affection she had once had for Rafayel seemed like a distant memory.
"You’re a fool, Rafayel," she said coldly, her voice dripping with disdain. "But I will make sure everything works out. I always do. You will see. You will forget this mortal... and you will return to me. You will learn that I know what's best for you."
***
Talia's expression remained impassive as she watched you from her perch, her fingers lightly tapping against the railing of the balcony she'd been lounging on. She had seen this coming, even before you had realized what was happening. You and Rafayel? It was almost too predictable. That beautiful, foolish boy who had so easily fallen for you, swept up in his own infatuation, despite the consequences. Talia knew Aphrodite too well to not expect such a response.
Still, there was a pang of something in her chest—was it pity? Yes, perhaps it was pity. For you, for the way your world was now falling apart, even though you were too blind to see it coming. It wasn’t that Talia enjoyed watching you suffer, but it was hard to ignore how predictable everything had become.
Aphrodite, beside her, glared.
“You pity a stranger over your friend.”
A statement. A fact. Not an accusation.
"She humiliated my son, broke his heart, and shattered his trust. I should’ve intervened sooner."
Talia leaned lazily against a pillar, twirling a strand of hair between her fingers, utterly unbothered by the goddess’s rage. She was no stranger to Aphrodite’s dramatics.
"And yet," Talia replied, her tone as light as the breeze, "it was your son who fell for her, wasn’t it? Who bound himself to her in secret? Perhaps your anger is misplaced."
Aphrodite’s glare could have turned lesser mortals to ash. "Watch your tongue, Talia. My patience with you is thin."
"Yes, yes, your patience," Talia said with a dismissive wave. She pushed off the pillar, stepping closer to the goddess with a confidence that bordered on reckless. "But let’s not forget, Goddess, you’re the one who proclaimed yourself the expert in love. Perhaps your son inherited your taste for chaos. Shouldn’t that make you... proud?"
Aphrodite’s hand twitched, her nails biting into her palm as she considered smiting the infuriating nymph. Instead, she closed her eyes, taking a slow, measured breath. Talia always knew how to strike a nerve.
"This isn’t chaos," Aphrodite finally said, her voice quieter but no less sharp. "This is betrayal. She doesn’t deserve him. And I will not allow her to destroy him further."
Talia’s lips curled into a faint, mocking smile. "You sound more like a mother scorned than a goddess of love."
Aphrodite turned away, her expression unreadable as she gazed down at the mortal world below. The fields stretched endlessly, the winds carrying whispers of sorrow. Somewhere down there, you were grieving. Somewhere, you were suffering.
Good.
And yet...
For a fleeting moment, a pang of something unfamiliar—something dangerously close to guilt—flickered in Aphrodite’s chest.
"I protect what is mine," she said at last, as much to herself as to Talia.
Talia tilted her head, watching the goddess with an almost pitying gaze. "If you keep him caged, Aphrodite, you’ll lose him too. Just like she did."
The golden cage trembled violently as Rafayel clawed against the spell that bound him. His bird form shimmered, wings beating with a frantic energy that sent feathers scattering like falling stars.
“Rafayel, stop!” Aphrodite’s voice rang out, sharp and commanding. But he couldn’t—he wouldn’t. The bars bent under his growing form, groaning under the pressure as he swelled beyond the confines of her magic.
His breathing was ragged, desperate. His talons stretched into fingers, his wings unfurling as the feathers melted back into flesh. With one final, guttural cry, the cage snapped, its golden fragments raining down like shards of light.
"Rafayel, please—" Aphrodite’s tone shifted, now tinged with worry. She reached out to him, but he recoiled, his back to her as his transformation completed.
He was silent, his chest heaving as he stood tall, his silhouette framed by the moonlight pouring through the open window. His lavender hair clung to his damp skin, his iridescent wings unfurling to their full, magnificent span.
“I can’t stay here,” he whispered, his voice hoarse and trembling.
“Son, listen to me,” Aphrodite implored, stepping closer, her divine grace now softened with maternal concern. “That girl doesn’t deserve—”
“She does!” he cut her off, spinning to face her, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “She made a mistake, yes, but so did I. I left her to face her doubt alone, Mother. I love her, and I don’t care what you think anymore.”
Aphrodite’s hand hovered in the air, her lips parting as though to protest, but the raw pain in his voice froze her.
Before she could speak, Rafayel turned, his wings extending. With a mighty leap, he soared through the window, the force of his departure sending a gust of wind through the room.
“Rafayel!” Aphrodite called after him, her voice breaking.
But he didn’t look back. The stars blurred as he flew, his heart pounding with one singular thought:
He had to find you.
***
How ironic.
How ironic that you had returned to the cliff where this had started.
Only to find your sisters.
The air was thick with the scent of saltwater, the wind teasing your hair, but it did nothing to soothe the aching void inside you. You stood there, frozen, watching your sisters with a hollow heart. They laughed, carefree, on the edge of the cliff, their voices carrying on the wind, full of mirth.
"Zephyrus! Zephyrus, catch us!" they called in unison, like children daring fate. Their voices rang in the cold air, their words both a plea and a taunt, as though they were so certain he would appear. But there was no response. No gust of wind, no comforting presence.
How….oh, how your heart hurt.
Your chest tightened as you felt the coldness settle in your bones. You should have known. Should have known that their trivial games would come at a cost. Your sisters were so used to their charm, their beauty, their privileges that they believed everyone else—everything—would bend to their will. Of course…you should have known when they had suddenly decided to question your love when they first visited you, instead of being happy for you.
And yet, you ran.
You ran to them. You needed them. One last hug, one lass embrace-
Clidippe took a step forward, laughing as she always did, confident in the wind's power to save her. Algaura followed, grinning, her trust in Zephyrus unwavering.
But Zephyrus wasn’t coming.
The air seemed to still as they jumped. No wind rushed to catch them, no graceful hands reached out. Instead, the two of them plummeted into the dark abyss, their screams quickly swallowed by the sea.
A sick feeling churned in your stomach, a blend of guilt, betrayal, and something much worse.
You barely registered the tears that spilled down your cheeks as you watched the empty space where they had fallen, knowing that nothing could bring them back.
“Why didn’t he catch them?” you whispered to yourself, voice raw with disbelief. Was it because of your own failure? Had you made him so bitter, so distant, that he had forsaken them, too? Or was it their own arrogance that had led to their doom?
“No…no-! No, no, no, no. NO!” You ran to the edge of the cliff, almost stumbling off but the wind was pushing you back.
“Zephyrus! Let me go! Let me- my- my sisters! Zephyrus-” You gasp for air as you swallow back the thick knots forming in your throat, blocking your breath. Your stomach was in your heart, your heart in your lungs, everything out of place.
The weight of your heart pressed down, harder than the cold air around you. How had everything fallen apart so quickly?
A soft rustle disturbed your thoughts, and you turned sharply, hoping for some form of relief. But all you saw was the wind, swirling around you in a turbulent dance.
And then, his voice—gentle, familiar—came through the chaos of your mind.
"I'm here, my love."
Rafayel stood before you, wings glistening in the moonlight. His form seemed to fill the space, ethereal and powerful. His eyes were filled with something softer now, the pain from before replaced with something new. Something deeper.
“Rafayel…” you breathed, your voice trembling as you rushed toward him.
He took a step forward, his eyes never leaving yours. The distance between you, the betrayal, the pain—all seemed to fade with each passing moment.
"I didn't mean for this," he whispered, reaching out to you. “I should have never left you. I thought... I thought if I kept my distance, you'd be safe, but I was wrong."
You wrapped your arms around him, the warmth of his presence surrounding you, and for the first time in so long, you allowed yourself to feel something other than emptiness.
“I didn’t want them to fall,” you whispered into his chest, your tears soaking his clothes.
His hands held you tightly, pressing you against him as if to shield you from the world. “You didn’t cause this, love. They made their own choices, and now they must face the consequences. But you... you are everything to me.”
He gently tilted your chin up, his gaze locking with yours, and for the first time in ages, you felt truly seen.
“Will you come back with me?” Rafayel asked softly. "Let me show you that you are loved. You’ve been through too much alone."
But-
No.
He had left you.
He left you.
The weight of your heart pressed down, harder than the cold air around you. How had everything fallen apart so quickly? The faces of your sisters, their laughter, their screams—they wouldn’t leave your mind. The sight of Rafayel, his tender gaze, his outstretched hands, was too much. It was all too much.
You stumbled back, your legs trembling beneath you. His voice called out to you, soft yet desperate, but you couldn’t face him—not now, not like this. The world spun, your breath coming in shallow gasps as the reality of what had just happened sunk deeper into your soul.
“Stay with me,” Rafayel said, his voice pleading. But you couldn’t stay. You couldn’t.
Your feet moved before you realized what was happening. You turned, your body propelled by something primal, something desperate. You ran. Away from Rafayel, away from the cliff, away from the memories that clung to you like a shroud. Back, back, back—to home, to safety, to the one place you knew might offer you solace.
The lake.
Hersilia!
Her name echoed in your mind like a lifeline, a prayer. She would know what to do. She always did. Your breath hitched as you pushed forward, the terrain blurring around you. The sharp branches clawed at your skin, the cold night air stung your face, but none of it mattered.
You needed her.
The lake came into view, its surface eerily still under the pale moonlight. Your feet slipped on the damp grass as you stumbled toward the water’s edge.
“Hersilia!” you cried out, your voice cracking. “Please, I need you!”
***
When you came to that secret lake, the air felt wrong, heavy, and strange. The surface of the water was no longer the welcoming mirror of moonlight you remembered. Instead, it churned faintly, disturbed by an unseen presence. Around you, the nymphs who once danced and sang in joy screamed and fled into the shadows of the trees, their translucent forms flickering like dying embers.
Were they afraid of you? Or of something else? You couldn’t tell, and you didn’t care. Your mind could focus only on one thing.
“Hersilia!” you cried out, your voice raw and desperate. “Please, I need you!”
No answer came, only the sound of the water lapping against the shore. The nymphs’ fearful whispers drifted to your ears, fragmented and faint.
“She doesn’t know...” “Should we tell her?” “No! Let her be.”
Their words were like shards of glass cutting into your heart. You shook your head, refusing to believe what they might mean.
“Hersilia!” you shouted again, your voice breaking as you collapsed to your knees by the lake’s edge. “Please, it’s me! It’s—”
Your words died in your throat as you caught sight of the water. There, faint and ghostly, was a face—a face you knew too well. Hersilia’s face, but pale and ethereal, like a memory clinging to the surface of the lake. Her once-lively eyes were dulled, her expression distant.
“Hersilia,” you whispered, reaching out.
The image wavered and dissolved, leaving you staring at nothing but ripples in the water.
“She is gone,” a trembling voice said behind you. One of the braver nymphs had stepped forward, her form flickering as if she might vanish at any moment. “Hersilia has been gone for many moons. You... you did not know?”
But then a nymph shrieked, her voice piercing the stillness of the night like a crack of thunder. Her trembling finger pointed behind you.
Your heart stopped. You turned slowly, fear and hope warring within you.
There, standing at the edge of the clearing, was Rafayel.
His lavender hair was disheveled, the soft curls wild from flight. His wings, now fully unfurled, glistened in the moonlight, each feather shimmering like mother-of-pearl. His eyes, those deep sea-blue and pink hues, were filled with an emotion so raw it took your breath away—grief, anger, love, and longing all at once.
“Rafayel...” you breathed, rising to your feet.
He didn’t move closer. His gaze bore into you, searching, as if trying to understand something unspoken. The nymphs had scattered entirely now, their fear palpable in the air. Only the two of you remained by the lake, the silence deafening.
“I thought...” His voice broke, soft and trembling, but then it shifted, cracking with something darker. “I thought I would never see you again…” His gaze hardened, and his tone grew sharper, more raw. “And you—” He took a step forward, his wings shuddering with restrained emotion. “You run away? You run away from me?”
His laugh was almost maniacal, echoing in the quiet night like something unhinged. The sound made your blood run cold.
You instinctively took a step back, your heels slipping into the cool water of the lake.
"You..." Your voice trembled, barely audible as fear gripped you. "You killed Hersilia?"
The words hung heavy in the air, your body stiffening as his gaze locked onto yours. His eyes darkened, unreadable and sharp as a blade.
Before you could even register his movement, he was suddenly there—his hands gripping your arms tightly, pulling you closer with a force that left no room for escape.
"She was a bad influence," he said, his voice low and cold, venom dripping from every syllable.
Your breath hitched, your heart pounding against your chest as his words sank in. "Rafayel, she was my—"
"Your what?" he snapped, his wings flaring wide behind him in a display of frustration. "A friend? Someone who told you to run from me? To leave your place by my side? To keep you from your fate?”
You shook your head, tears brimming in your eyes. "No, she—"
"Don’t lie to me!" His voice cracked, raw and filled with pain. For a moment, the grip on your arms loosened, as though he realized the weight of his own actions. His hands slid down to your wrists, trembling. "Everything I’ve done... I’ve done for you."
Your breath caught in your throat as his hands closed around your neck, tightening with a force that made it hard to breathe. His eyes burned with a desperation that mirrored the one you'd felt in your own chest—his need, his possessiveness, overwhelming everything.
"And you're staying with me," he growled, his voice low and dangerous. "You want someone to love you. Y/n? You don't want to be lonely? Well neither do I."
His words echoed in your mind, each one heavier than the last. The suffocating grip on your throat made it difficult to focus, the edges of your vision starting to blur. His pain was raw, but it was tainted with something darker—a twisted form of affection that you couldn’t bring yourself to understand.
"You’re hurting me," you gasped, struggling to free yourself, but his hold only tightened, his face inches from yours.
"Not enough," he spat, his voice full of anguish. "Not enough for you to understand how much I need you. How much I need you to stay."
His eyes flickered for a second, showing you the vulnerability that you once recognized. The part of him that wasn’t a monster, the part that had loved you with a gentleness you hadn’t thought possible. But then it was gone, replaced again by something darker, more volatile.
You couldn’t tell if he was trying to protect you—or break you.
And it didn’t matter.
Because he snapped your neck.
The world went black. No pain, just the crushing emptiness that followed when your body stopped fighting, when everything ceased to exist in an instant. Your breath, your heart—gone.
Rafayel stood over you, his chest heaving with ragged breaths, his eyes wild, still filled with that insatiable need. He had done it. He had taken everything.
He dropped to his knees beside your lifeless form, his hands trembling as he reached for you.
Rafayel’s lips pressed softly against yours, his tears falling gently onto your still face. His heart was heavy, the weight of his love and his violence crashing together in an unbearable torrent. He had taken everything from you—your life, your love, and now... your silence.
"Till death do us part," he whispered against your lips, his words full of regret and sorrow. "And for you, I give you half my heart."
He layed you down as the nymphs hid in the lake in horror, watching as the god tore his chest open, golden blood spilling in torrents as he took his heart, ripping it in half, its aorta limp and loose, the left ventricle almost coming apart as if it were tender and slow cooked. He gasps in pain, closing his eyes as he opens your chest, tearing your heart out.
And the same, he rips it in half.
Half to you, half to him….
***
When you woke up, you gasp, clutching your neck. Could it be?
Was it truly just a horrible dream?
You turn to look beside you, reaching out.
Your husband was invisible; you could feel the warmth of his back against your hand.
But…there was an itch in your chest. Like something didn’t quite fit.
#hellinistical#pandoras box writing#x y/n#love and deepspace#afab reader#drabble#rafayel x reader#lads rafayel#rafayel love and deepspace#rafayel x you#rafayel lads#rafayel l&ds#lads#love and deepspace rafayel#rafayel x y/n#lads rafayel x reader#lads rafayel smut#lads rafayel x you#rafayel x mc#loveanddeepspace#rafayel#lads rafayel x mc#lads smut#lads x reader
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Fire and Frost {Ellie x Reader} Ch. 3
MDNI 18+ content
Pairings: loser!(AFAB)Reader x hockey player!Ellie
Synopsis: When y/n is requested to tutor Ellie Williams in organic chemistry, she expects arrogance and attitude from the hockey player. However, she discovers a different aspect of Ellie’s tough exterior, revealed through humor and fleeting glances. This raises the question: why does Ellie go to great lengths to embarrass and harass y/n whenever they are in the presence of others?
Warnings: Mentions of depression, anxiety, sexual/physical assault, alcohol, violence, trauma (if I miss any let me know!)
w/c: 2.8k
an: this is my first time ever posting fanfic on Tumblr, so feedback is completely welcome! this is not proofread and is a work in progress.
Silicon Symmetry
As the clock struck 12:30, anticipation bubbled within you as you headed to your organic chemistry class, determined to confront Ellie and uncover the source of her unpredictable behavior. The emotional whiplash she was putting you through was overwhelming, leaving you feeling dizzy and disoriented. It felt particularly unfair, given that she knew how crucial it was for you to maintain your scholarship; her behavior appeared nothing short of self-centered. You chastised yourself for thinking she was anything but.
Determined to confront her, you hustled to catch up to the student holding the lecture hall door for you, stomping over to where the hockey player lounged, surrounded by her teammates, laughing and joking as if the events of the morning had never occurred. The sight stung, intensifying your frustration. She wants to be that way, fine, two can play that game. As you reached her combat boot-clad feet, you delivered a swift kick to her shin, drawing giggles from her friends. Cat tilted her head, a smirk playing on her lips, clearly entertained by your fury, which only ignited your anger further.
"What the fuck, Williams. Do you even care about anyone besides yourself? I can't believe I was foolish enough to think you were capable of anything beyond your own self-interest."
The brunette shot up at your remark, invading your personal space. "Here we go again, pretending you understand me. Let me make this clear, princess: I don't require your assistance, and I certainly won't waste my time on a loser like you."
Emotions swelled in your chest, and you felt a sting behind your eyes at her words. Her teammates erupted in cheers, one even giving her a congratulatory slap on the back as if she had just clinched a last-minute victory. You grabbed your iPad, bringing up the playful sketches the two of you had made earlier that day, the sound of her genuine laughter echoing in your mind. "If you're not interested in being around me, then why did you—"
You were abruptly interrupted as the iPad you had been holding shattered into fragments right before your eyes. Ellie's gaze, usually emotionless, now burned with an intensity of hatred that was unsettling. "Don't you dare approach me like this again. What gives you the audacity to even think you can look at me?"
Tears streamed down your face as you lost control, your hand instinctively shooting out to land a stinging slap across the captain's face, her head snapping to the side from the impact. In shock, you raised your hands to your mouth, a gasp escaping as disbelief washed over you, your eyes wide with astonishment at what you had just done.
Her eyes, once simmering with hatred, now blazed with an intensity that was almost palpable. Gripping your shirt tightly in her fist, Ellie lifted you effortlessly, slamming your back against the wall next to the doorframe. The force of the impact knocked the air from your lungs, leaving you gasping as you clawed at the hands that held you captive. "Lay a finger on me again, and I swear I'll end you."
You caught yourself shifting your gaze from her deep, forest-green eyes to the vivid crimson handprint emerging on her cheek. As you tried to find the right words, they eluded you, leaving your mouth agape in silence. Her eyes, shadowy and intense, revealed a flicker of vulnerability, a crack in her facade. Ellie seemed to carry a weight of remorse for what had just happened, yet her fingers clutched your shirt with an unyielding grip.
As she leaned closer, locking her gaze with yours, a rush of emotions surged through you. Then, just like that, she released you and settled back into her chair, leaving the other students wide-eyed and speechless. A wave of humiliation washed over you, making your stomach churn. In a flurry, you snatched your backpack and gathered the shattered pieces of your iPad, hurling the remnants toward the brunette before storming out.
Dr. Miller hurried from a faculty meeting, her beloved matcha latte spilling over the rim of her plastic cup as she dashed toward her classroom. A look of bewilderment crossed her features when she spotted you racing out of the lecture hall, and she quickly stepped in your path to halt your escape.
Adjusting the items in her arms to free a hand, she softly rested it on your shoulder, her initial confusion giving way to worry. "Y/N, what’s wrong? Did something happen?" You shrugged off her concern, stepping back from her touch.
"Dr. M, I appreciate that you believe in me, but sometimes what you see isn’t really there." With that, you turned away from your compassionate professor and hurried back to the apartment you shared with Dina and Jesse.
The October wind whipped against your tear-streaked face as you sprinted, its icy breath leaving your cheeks flushed and red. The humiliation you felt was unlike anything you had ever encountered. Sure, Ellie had pulled some messed-up stunts before, but this was a new level of cruelty. You were accustomed to her childish antics—tripping you or swiping things from your hands—but completely shattering your iPad was beyond the pale.
Your iPad was more than just a device for taking notes; it was your sanctuary, a place where you poured out your heart and soul. Without it, you felt adrift, a wave of despair crashing over you. Your hands trembled as you fumbled with the key to your apartment, the door creaking open with a reluctant groan. With a forceful slam, you tossed your backpack onto the kitchen counter and stormed into your bedroom. Sliding down the wall, you let out rough sobs that shook your entire body.
Why me? What did I do to her to deserve this? Fuck you, Ellie Williams.
☾⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽☾⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱
You lost track of time as you sat there, tears streaming down your face, until a throbbing headache surged through you. Nausea clung to you as you finally pushed yourself up from the floor. With a heavy heart, you opened your bedroom door and shuffled to the kitchen sink, your hands quaking as you filled a glass with water. The refreshing liquid slid down your throat, but it did little to soothe the relentless pounding in your head.
After setting the glass down, your gaze fell on your backpack, anxiety creeping in as you realized you had no way to study for your calculus test without your notes. The absence of your iPad was a painful reminder of Ellie's relentless torment. Thankfully, Dina was in your calculus class, but the thought of borrowing her notes made you cringe; her note-taking skills were far from impressive.
As you glanced at your phone, a few notifications popped up as you unlocked the screen. Dina had called you twice, and a flurry of texts from both her and Jesse filled your inbox, all laced with concern. You couldn't help but roll your eyes at their messages, a smile breaking through as you appreciated the care they both showed.
You pushed aside the notifications, losing yourself in the endless scroll of social media, desperately trying to avoid the nagging feeling of confinement that came from being without your journal. Suddenly, your thumb halted as you stumbled upon a post from your brother. It showcased a family gathering, a post-summer bash that had completely escaped your notice. The realization hit hard: you weren’t on the guest list. While it shouldn’t have shocked you, the sting of exclusion was still sharp, a painful reminder of how things had changed since last year.
Frustration bubbled up inside you, and you flung your phone onto the couch, wishing the intrusive thoughts would vanish. Staring blankly at the wall, you sank into silence, weighing your options. The clock ticked toward 2 PM, and soon Dina would burst through the door with Jesse, the inseparable duo who seemed to thrive on each other’s company. They were adorable, a fact that only deepened your envy, a feeling you weren’t proud to admit.
A soft knock at your door pulled you from your reverie, irritation creeping into your voice. "Seriously, Dina? Did you forget your keys again?" You rose from your seat and swung the door open, only to be met by an unexpected face.
"Abby? W-what are you doing here?"
Abby Anderson, the assistant captain under Ellie, wasn’t someone you typically chatted with, making her sudden appearance all the more surprising. She offered you a gentle smile, which helped to ease the tension bubbling inside you. "Hey, Y/N. This might seem a bit out of the blue, but I heard about what happened in class today, and I wanted to come by and apologize."
Her words ignited a fire within you; why should she be apologizing for that worthless Williams? "Are you kidding me?" you snapped, fists clenched tightly at your sides, teeth grinding in frustration.
Abby quickly raised her hands in a gesture of peace, her voice rushing to calm you down. "I know what she did was fucked up, I am not denying that. I just want you to know it's not your fault, she's going through some serious shit right now and I really don't think she knows how to cope."
You shook your head at her words, "Abby, I'm not upset at you. I'm upset at her for not being a fucking adult and apologizing to me herself. And to be honest I don't really care what she has going on, that's no excuse to break my shit!"
Abby nodded, her expression understanding. "You're right, I don't disagree with you. I've known Ellie since we were in squirt league together, she's not an easy one to read and honestly I'm struggling to figure out where she's coming from. Nevertheless, she is my best friend and I feel the need to protect her."
Mulling over Abby's words, you let out a sigh. "Would you like to come in? I'm sure Dina wouldn't mind seeing you."
Abby smiled at your invitation, thanking you as she passed through the threshold of your apartment. This was her first time visiting without Dina, and she seemed a bit uncertain about where to settle. Sensing her hesitation, you gestured toward the couch in the living room while you retrieved a couple of beers from the fridge. "Feel free to sit there if you want."
As she took a seat, you cracked open a beer, taking a hearty gulp before offering her one. A burst of laughter escaped her lips. "You do realize it’s not even 3 PM, right?"
You shrugged nonchalantly, "who gives a fuck, it's Friday and I don't wanna think." Abby looked a bit worried at your response, placing her unopened can on the coffee table. You finished your beer, crumpling the can in your hand and tossing it into the recycling bin, already reaching for another. This wasn’t your usual drinking style, but you felt the need to escape, so why not? Fuck it.
Settling next to the hockey player, you glanced at her over the top of your can, raising an eyebrow at her amused expression. Abby chuckled and shook her head. "You’re nothing like I expected."
Laughing at her remark, you nudged her shoulder playfully. "Fuck you, Anderson."
A comfortable silence enveloped you both until she broke it again. "You really are doing her a favor, you know? She doesn’t deserve your kindness or your patience, yet you keep giving it. Why is that?"
Trying to distract yourself, you fiddled with the frayed threads of your ripped jeans, pulling them apart and rolling them between your fingers. With a shrug, you replied, "I don't know, Abby. I guess I can't stand by and watch someone fail at something they've been working their whole life for."
Abby’s gaze fell on your troubled expression, a wave of sympathy washing over her. "Yeah, she really doesn’t deserve you."
Her words carried a weight that eluded your grasp, complicating the situation far beyond your expectations. With a heavy sigh, you murmured, "Maybe I’m not worthy of her. There must be something I did to make her loathe me so intensely. If only she could see the real me, perhaps she wouldn’t wish I didn’t exist."
The blonde next to you appeared to be wrestling with her thoughts, finally reaching for her beer can and taking a long sip. After wiping her lips, Abby turned to you and said, "Hey, there’s a party at the hockey house tonight. Dina was planning to go and mentioned inviting you. You’ll have her to hang out with, but don’t forget about me. Hell, we did share a beer at 2 PM, after all.
You smiled back at her, clinking your can against hers. "Thanks, Abby." The idea of attending a party filled you with anxiety, yet something about the girl beside you made it seem like nothing could go wrong, so you found yourself agreeing to join.
As you chatted, Dina and Jesse burst through the front door, takeout bags in hand. The aroma of Chinese food wafted through the air, making your mouth water. It was common for you to skip meals until dinner, as morning and afternoon nausea made it difficult to eat. But when dinner arrived, it was a different story.
Dina greeted Abby with enthusiasm, clearly thrilled to see one of her favorite teammates. "Hey, Abs! Want to stay for dinner? We could carpool to the party!" She raised her eyebrows playfully, prompting a laugh from Abby.
"I appreciate it, D, but Ellie asked me to help set up for tonight. I was just about to head out," Abby replied, placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder and flashing you an encouraging smile before crushing her can and tossing it into the bin next to yours. Dina observed the interaction and decided to bring it up while serving General Tso's chicken and fortune cookies, pouring your share onto a paper plate she had grabbed from the cupboard.
Jesse looked as if he were bracing for an explosion, casting nervous glances your way throughout dinner, which only served to irritate you. Setting your fork down with a clatter, you turned to him and said, "Can you please stop looking at me like I'm about to combust any second?"
A flush of pink spread across his cheeks, clearly embarrassed by his lack of subtlety. Dina rolled her eyes at him, giving his shin a swift kick from beneath the table, prompting a soft "ouch" to escape his lips. "Sorry, Y/N. I heard you had a rough day."
You shot a glare at Dina, realizing you should have expected nothing less from her, considering he was her boyfriend. Shoving a piece of chicken into your mouth, you tried to ignore him, grains of rice tumbling off your fork and scattering into your lap. Just then, Dina reached across the table, halting your movements and preventing any more rice from joining the mess.
"Y/N, I'm really sorry about her, only a few on the team actually find her shit amusing. We're gonna give her hell at practice tomorrow, don't worry. Abby even insisted on it."
The mention of Abby made your cheeks heat up, recalling how kind she had been to you. But that warmth quickly faded as you found yourself longing for that same kindness from another player, a frown settling on your face. "It doesn’t matter, D. Nothing’s going to change. Whatever I did to her is so unforgivable that she’ll never let it go. It’s just absurd; all I did was bump into her by mistake. Before that, I had never even spoken to her!"
Dina instinctively withdrew her hand, sensing your need for some distance after your emotional outburst. She wished she had the right words to comfort you, but the truth was, she was just as puzzled. Ellie was an enigma that everyone was eager to understand, and sometimes it felt like even Ellie was still trying to figure herself out.
"I'm sorry, Dina. I didn't mean to freak on you, I just can't stand this. All I want is to be her friend, but I can’t understand why she’s treating me so poorly." You absentmindedly pushed the chicken around on your plate, watching it scoop up bits of rice from the sticky sauce.
“Y/N, I assure you, you haven’t done anything wrong. No one deserves to be treated like this.” You turned to her, your frown deepening. “Let’s just forget about Ellie for tonight. She’ll be too busy with the party to even notice you. Plus, we’ll be right there to support you! It’s time to break out of that shell; you have so much charisma to share.”
A smile crept onto your face as you appreciated Dina’s ability to lift your spirits, grateful for her unwavering friendship during tough times. “You’re right, to hell with her! I’m getting wasted tonight.”
Jesse hooped and hollered, cheering in agreement. "Fuck yeah! Let's get crunk."
Dina chuckled, shaking her head at the two of you, a playful grin lighting up her face.
@liasxeatt
@vahnilla
#ellie x y/n#ellie x fem reader#ellie x reader#ellie williams#ellie tlou#the last of us#ellie the last of us#@liasxeatt#@vahnilla#dina tlou#abby tlou#abby anderson#abby the last of us#x reader
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am i the only one who like....didn't like the cat king? and his whole thing? like i think we're all forgetting that the main cast is supposed to be like 16-17, even stated in the show that they're minors, and don't get me wrong, i LOVE the actors, but in what world are those people minors. and feel like that perception skews things a bit. but the characters are canonically minors (and don't come at me with the the "well actually they're"- they're regarded as minors in the show) the whole cat king and edwin stuff is probably my least favorite ship for me right now. no hate to anyone who ships them, like do what you want. i just don't really get the appeal of it
again, no hate to yall at all this is just my personal opinion, everyone is entitled to their own
#like....#idk i just really don't like it#on many levels#it feels almost like a from of harassment#good on yall for enjoying the cat sexy man i would love for him to stay 10 feet away from me and my boys at all times#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#the cat king
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exactly! like even if we WANT to see a character as good, we can’t, or were quite literally ignoring the plot of the show!!
for evan, yes, he isn’t an ill-mannered person. he wants to do good for the murphys and make them feel better, but while doing that, he actively lies about a friendship with a person who committed suicide, and this, while allowing the family to rebuild, just likely traumatizes them more.
for connor, yes, he’s very much a victim when it comes to the fact he was put in rehab. rehab is terrible. he’s been through a lot mentally, ever since he was like… young young (book as reference), but none of this excuses the fact that he threatens zoe while he’s alive, and this builds up fear and hatred within her because yes. it is scary when someone is on the other side of the door screaming that they’re going to kill you. even if you know they won’t actually, it’s terrifying. if we ignore this fact, requiem has no meaning behind it and that’s not what the show intends.
for zoe, she’s literally just trying to make it through her family life as well as she can without trying to cause anything. she’s constantly ignored by her own family, and she’s coping with it the best she can. but she’s still flawed. zoe refuses to realize things are more than just bad or good for a long while in the show. i argue not fully until the end of act one. zoe can also come off… rude towards her parents and connor, but then again… she’s sixteen so. do we expect much more? though i will say calling your mentally ill brother a psychopath when… he probably does not have the mental disorder to be considered that kind of term (i’d either argue he has autism or both an anxiety disorder & major depressive disorder [autism is commonly misdiagnosed as that, BUT many people do just have anxiety and depression.] though it’s hard to say because… we barely see him on stage and we don’t see much of his symptoms. in the book, where we hear from him the most, to me at least, as an autistic person, he reads as autistic… but it’s really up for what a person believes). zoe to me comes off as one of the least morally grey characters to me, as she isn’t… actively causing harm in the story. if she’s harming anyone by these thought patterns of good and bad, black and white, she’s harming herself.
alana is very similar to evan in that she comes with good intentions with almost everything she does… maybe not her shoving her way into positions (as we see with the connor project), but a ton of the things she does is for a good cause and though it seems performative, it isn’t. still, alana constantly speaks over people, ignoring them, and publicly posts something she believes to be someone’s suicide note. though she believes the latter is beneficial… it just… wouldn’t be? as we see because with the presumption that it is connor’s note, everyone begins to harass the murphy’s. did evan share it to alana to keep up a lie? yes… but did evan say to publish it…? no. that was a VERY odd choice coming from alana.
jared is a character i… hate. a lot. but you can’t deny that what he really craves is a friendship. we see him distraught after evan ditches him. we see him trying to incorporate himself into the story evan has made up, and it’s likely because he desires a friendship. and to a point, that can make a person sympathetic… still… he helped evan keep up a lie. and was a complete asshole to evan before and after the lie began because…? who knows.
heidi genuinely wants whats best for evan, even if she has to work all day and attend classes and study all night. this is NOT something i will blame her for because… she’s a single mother. it is HARD to live in this economy. she’s trying her best. she also is flawed. she doesn’t REALLY try to reach out to her son (she does say that she shouldn’t have needed evan to tell her he was hurting), she insults evan’s stepmother for…? no reason? also she does tend to come off as rude (in the arena stage 2015 version as well, but…) in good for you and a little before that. blowing up on your son because… he found comfort in other people besides you and getting mad at him because you believed he begged the other family for finical help is… odd! (he didn’t even say anything about it to cynthia and larry, i’m pretty sure…. zoe did. zoe’s the one who wanted heidi over in the first place). i’m not saying heidi is this terrible parent, but she’s not a good mother either. my thing with heidi though… she’s one of the only characters who admits their faults (including evan, somewhat). she IS morally grey, but she is actively working towards being a genuinely good person.
cynthia is also someone who wants to be a good person. she actively tries to treat connor not as terribly as most parents would, and i do applaud her for that. problem is, the way she goes about it is harmful, so much so that (at least in the book) connor basically feels like he’s just a lab rat to the hundreds of different treatments she puts him through… not to mention she ignores zoe and how zoe feels.
and lastly, larry… who i feel gets ignored FAR too often. larry is not this terrible guy. he cares for his children. and he cared son. he did. that’s the WHOLE point of to break in a glove. it shows that he did what he thought was right… but similar to cynthia’s method… it just didn’t work for connor. it traumatized connor MORE. along with the fact that he has the reaction of 75% of parents when their child says that they want to die… the reaction being that the kid just wants attention. also, just… generally… a bit neglectful of both connor and zoe.
all that being said, it pisses me off how a lot of people don’t realize dear evan hansen is NOT supposed to have a good side and a bad side. and a lot of people forget dear evan hansen isn’t.., supposed to be a nice story? it’s supposed to be fucked up. the original idea for it was literally based on a terrible thing.
and there’s this weird section of people who act like the story is unrealistic when it just. isn’t?? the story is based off something similar that happened at pasek’s highschool. and i mean, the same thing happened at MY high school (not when i was there, but when my older brother was there). a student passes away and people pretend to be their friend, and they sell stories and things to get profit out of people’s death. attention and/or money (whether that’s because they’re bad people, or if they feel alone too is up for debate on every person because… we don’t know most of these people personally). and then people forget about the student in a couple weeks. it’s VERY common, and it’s cruel, gross, and terrible. but the story is FAR from unrealistic. though it can be said that dear evan hansen is an exaggeration of such… most stories are.
and though i do argue the marketing for dear evan hansen can be odd at times, the story itself is not meant to be seen as nice. it’s supposed to be cruel.
sorry for the ramble… i just wanted to go into more depth with what the post was saying. :]
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A lot of people may scoff at the notion, but when you truly start learning more and more, you realize the binary between "you are disabled and I can recognize you as such" and "you are barely disabled, if that, and I can tell" are false dichotomies.
You will never completely understand the intricacies of somebody's disability, and even the most simple of disabilities ("simple" in the ableist way) can easily become life-threatening to a person, and vice versa. There's this glorification of the self for so many people that's done in such a way that their word feels like law, even if it robs others their own words.
#disability#i've probably talked about this before#but so many people take the idea of 'i can always tell' and make it almost an entire doctrine#it's the same mentality that makes people go 'i can ALWAYS tell trans people from the normal ones!' and they harass a cis butch#because what you're fundamentally doing is reaffirming the biases you were taught and then broadly applying them even when...#...it doesn't make sense or actively silences others. the doctrine of the self becomes too important becase it feels like that's your ego...#...that's YOU and YOU know best right? YOU know what 'should' and 'should not' disable people right?#and i think it's a natural response when you might not havs expanded your worldview and challenged it#so i'm not going to attack an individual for that but it does reinforce previously instilled biases
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It’s Bisexuality Visibility Month (also Suicide Awareness Month), and the biphobia has been constant and intense, even in our own bi spaces, mostly from fellow LGBTQIA+ people.
Bi women have been told they are tainted for being with men, that we are dirty and dick obsessed. We’ve been told we are perverted fetishists by both cis and trans lesbians, with even gay men joining in on the insults, with one even threatening violence towards bi women if they come near lesbians. We even got told we deserve to be abused, raped, and murdered by our male partners because that’s what we deserve for dating men.
Bi men are being accused again for being HIV carriers, with gay men saying they are only good for sex because they will end up leaving them for women. One trans man said he would kill himself if a man started dating a woman after him, not leave him for one but just start dating again and that person being a woman.
I haven’t seen insults directly about non-binary bisexuals, but I’m sure there would be and a lot of hate lumps us all together. All this hates stings me but I can’t imagine the pain of all this for non-binary, trans women, and trans men dealing with it all, and it makes me so disappointed and angry that fellow trans people in this community are hurting them.
Pride Month a lesbian wrote “I wish god would eradicate all the bisexuals” while another wrote “For Pride Month let all the bi people disappear” with both having thousands of likes and comments agreeing. Now during Bi Visibility Month, a non-binary lesbian with feminist in their profile posted “Happy bi visibility month, I hope they find a cure soon 💖”. While continuing to mock us after.
Our allies and so-called LGBTQIA+ advocates have been silent and have even participated in bierasure, laughing at us when we point it out, saying “It’s not that serious.” “Lol the bis are getting upset over nothing again”. Only the bisexual advocates and pages have spoken out against the hate.
The B in LGBTQIA+ is suppose to be for bisexual but this community says and treats us as awfully as the bigots do to all of us. Bisexual is the sexuality that is attracted to two or more genders, that we have the ability to love anyone regardless of their gender. But we’re treated as greedy, perverted, hyper sexual, unfaithful, which from bigots you understand and usually brush off, but from those within the community who go through similar prejudice and should understand, sharing the same ignorant mindset.
These spaces are suppose to be our safe havens as well, but are just as dangerous. We try making our own spaces and even that is invaded by these people, we are beyond exhausted. We need the other members of the community that aren’t biphobic to speak out more and shut these people and this hate down. Because the lack of empathy from this community is frightening and all this in-fighting will allow the bigots to pick us a part more easily.
#i’ve been struggling mentally since pride month because of all the hate#i had to unfollow a lot of lgbtqia creators due to them ignoring or participating in it#i even had to unfollow most lgbtqia pages because of the comments#i’ve been sticking to bi pages and tags but it’s full of biphobia#i’m a sa survivor being told by the community that is suppose to be the most understanding and supporting that i deserved what happened#why do i deserve to be abused and die because i have an attraction that isnt limited by gender#the trauma from that relationship has left me disabled#i thought i found a community that was safe for someone like me#but the biggest deception is that us bi people are a part of lgbtqia#them and the bigots could settle their differences with their combined hatred for bi people#but i’m the one that is the danger and doesn’t belong#i spent my youth hiding my attraction to women during the 90s and early 2000s due how that time was#and now this community is making me feel ashamed again#my mental health was doing okay until i opened myself up to this community#i regret coming out#i wish i went ahead with killing myself in 2012 like i planned#bi visibility month#bisexual visibility month#bisexual#lgbtqia#tw: biphobia#our rights are being striped away again but sure bisexuals are the problem#i have too much unfinished business to end my life#i was harassed through out school being accused of being a lesbian and was assaulted by one of those girls#pulled down to the ground by my hair and kicked non stop in the ribs until someone pulled her off#even my gender came into question when that show there's something about miriam came out#telling me i don't belong in queer spaces when i've been assumed queer almost my whole fucking life and before most of you were born
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when i was in high school, hetalia was my entire personality. i spent a while just observing the fandom, and made some friends and became familiar with many other people. i felt like i had a pretty nice corner with lots of people to talk to, which felt really good because i was incredibly lonely in high school (undiagnosed adhd/autism meant i genuinely had zero friends, and no idea how to socialize enough to make them irl).
and then i got really into an incest ship, to the point that it became my all-time favorite ship from the show (and tbh, kinda still just in general). and i realized most of the people i talked to regularly were antis, and i went from enjoying the fandom and feeling like i have a place i can be myself to being incredibly paranoid about anything i did. i didn't want to lose my online friends, because they were the only social outlet i had at the time. i started drifting from the fandom after that.
and then a new season came out, and the anti-hetalia crowd ramped up their hate and harrassment again, and i became so suicidal over the show that i actually had to call a suicide hotline one night to stop myself from doing anything.
i still can't enjoy hetalia the way i used to. it holds a dear place in my heart, it was my everything as a teenager and i don't think i'll ever stop loving it. but i can't engage with the show or fanworks (both by others and myself) at all anymore, it just brings back intense feelings of fear and shame.
(the hotline situation ended up being kinda funny actually. i confused the poor woman on the other end with my niche fandom drama so much that she just gave up and hung up on me without warning. that surprised me enough to pull me out of how i was feeling, which then allowed me to realize i need to take a step back from the fandom, friendships be damned.)
———
#it was my favorite show from like age 12 to like age 15 or 16#I used to get harassed for being a us/uk fan despite it NOT EVEN BEING INCEST?????#(if that’s your ship and you like interpreting it as so then hell yeah all the power to you though)#I had to stop before the new season bc my best friend/crush at the time was into discourse and said that I’d be a bad person if I watched it#tw suicide#if you ever start to feel comfortable with talking about your ship and the show then please feel free to dm me!#I have like personal experience with how hard this is#and I enjoy (almost) every ship from the show#(the one that I dislike is nowhere near cesty though so dw)#I will be completely nonjudgmental towards your ship and will listen to anything that you want to talk about#I know that it sometimes helps to make better memories to associate with a thing
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Are we going to talk about the thinly veiled ableism towards high support needs autistic adults who frequent websites like deviantart for their hyperspecific non-fandomizable special interests, infrequent hygiene practices, “weird fetishes”, that are all clearly shaped by an experience with neurodiversity that is foreign to all y’all rebranded Asperger’s supremacists
#ven talks#autism#ableism#a lot of people on tumblr have no actual experience with high support needs folks and refuse to acknowledge your privilege#why did you all make a mean girls club for autism jesus christ#no I’m not saying that you are as privileged as allistics but it’s crabs in a bucket and y’all know that your experience is not the same#you were so concerned with breaking stereotypes and saying autism is a spectrum we’re not like ‘those’ people that you effectively alienate#the most vulnerable members of our community. check yourself because a lot of this anger towards allistic people who stereotype autism stem#from the repulsion you feel towards being associated with high support needs folks who do not mask do not have your social skills do not#feel safe or comfortable around you or in your social circles.#people you seem to not want in your social circle in the first place because you’d consider them unsightly gross annoying unintelligent etc#my cousins are high support needs and they would never feel safe on tumblr among you so called neurodiversity activists lol#ps the way everyone made a spectacle out of cwc regardless of what she did is abhorrent and disgusting and it happens all the time to peopl#who haven’t even ‘done’ anything other than exist as an autistic person online in ways that are unpalatable to larger subcultures#like I said before one of my oldest friends is high support and I’m sure one of the reasons why he almost never uses the internet is becaus#he was being harassed by kiwi farms types one of which has stayed obsessed with him for over a decade
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copying anon over here because i went to save the ask to my drafts and tumblr sent it directly to the shadow realm, welp:
I dug through your rambles about Hermes, so I'm looking forward to thoughts on Erich with the ancient world's everything lol ~
ahhhh thank you, i'm glad you've enjoyed my rambles so far!! i've been taking the second half of the pandaemonium arc more slowly, partly because i'm been Out of It the last few days and partly because the direction the plotline with erich and lahabrea has taken a turn for has been leaving a really bad taste in my mouth. i've been making my way through it, though, and percolating Deeply on the He and how he and pandaemonium as a whole fit into all this. spoiler alert i love him even more now
(on the one hand, it finally helped me articulate some points that imo make or break an 'abusive parent sees the error of their ways and apologizes up and down and swears to do better, and both that and the context in which the abuse happened leave their victim feeling conflicted about it' arc. so there's that! on the other hand it, uh. it did so by very much being the goofus here lmao, and erich deserved better.)
(the way the whole thing is played off is also just, deeply deeply misogynistic. athena is top-tier nastywoman and i love her for it, and 'mothers--in particular white women, especially to their children of color--can be shitty and predatory and abusive and are accountable for it full stop,' is great abuse rep but fucking WOWZERS)
(which like, i will say that the overtones are not at all lost on me that athena repeatedly goes out of her way to prey on, abuse, and violate not just men of color but black men; dehumanizes them and treats them and their bodies as her property; and is strongly implied to have sexually abused erich in particular. and how the one who gets the brunt of it is her biracial, very VERY not white-passing son, who she isolated from the black side of his family to do whatever she wanted with. it is insanely fucking refreshing to see that shit not cushioned at ALL, and it really sucks that that had to come bundled in with the abuse apologia and misogyny.)
(i am also realizing that this is one of the reasons erich whitewashing, and how common it is in the fandom as well as official art, bothers me so much beyond the obvious. while it's uncertain how much of it was intentional, his narrative evokes not just real-world racism but colorism, and a specific brand of it and how it intersects with abuse. even if just on a doylist level erich was abused for being as dark-skinned as he is, and erasing that is even shittier than your run-of-the-mill whitewashing.)
(anyway. ANYWAY. anyway. all that is a post of its own and i haven't even gotten to the parts about ancient society yet. you see what i mean by having a lot of thoughts about him lmao)
i'm hoping to finish the last leg of the questline tonight so i can start fully putting my thoughts together because god there is SO MUCH, and i'm excited even if i foresee having to grit my teeth through the rest of the moments between him and lahabrea lmao
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#ffxiv erichthonios#ffxiv athena#ffxiv lahabrea#thank you anon!! the preview for the notification almost gave me a heart attack and this was really nice to open it and find instead lmao#asks#anonymous#the crit files#ffxivcrit tag#abuse cw#abuse apologia cw#CSA mention cw#SA mention cw#racism cw#incest mention cw#(incidentally athena is a perfect example of why i'm so wary of 'teehee i love evil women and support women's wrongs' in fandom these days)#(it really sucks to have to give so much of Enjoy Fucked Up Lady Blorbos for Being Evil and Stop Holding Double Standards About It)#(fandom such a wide berth; but holy shit it is a *cesspool* of racism and childism and rape/abuse apologia)#(from people who want a single-issue pass to be bigoted; and DARVO and direct harassment at people who try to call it out)#(instead of applying any kind of nuance or intersectionality or critical thought)#(and it's how you get shit like people cheering on their white blorbo's Evil Girl Power for sexually abusing men of color lmao)#(i have conflicted feelings abt both athena's portrayal and erich as abuse rep but holy shit it's been such a relief to see none of that)#(any other fandom would be a radioactive nightmare zone about this and thank fuck it isn't)#ANYWAY i do indeed have Manythoughts about him and am looking forward to being able to put them together cogently#FF tag#ffxivtag#the salt files#warning: worm grass#pandae pilled anon
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god bless and protect queer elders
#i got fired from one of my jobs today and i was so tired and done with everything#then on the bus this lovely old man sat next to me and told me he loved my style and asked how my day was#i told him its been a long one and he said his was too and apparently he was wearing fem clothes earlier in dt and got harassed earlier#for it which made me so so sad and so he had to throw on some track pants to cover up his leggings (which is insane in this heat)#and i told him i was sorry he had to go through that but that i hope he stays safe in his self expression and then he asked me what made my#day long and i told him#n he said 'its okay. this is going to be an opportunity for something better to come along. you're just making some space for it right now'#and i literally almost criedbmdhsnsbdhd#he kept telling me not to stress too much because stress is bad for the body and to take care of myself and ohhh my god i very nearly sobbed#i was holding on by a thread i was sooo so fragile#sweetest man alive i sincerely hope he is okay and happy and stays safe#i was like so tired and overwhelmed and i feel like i didnt talk or say nearly as much as i wanted to because my stop was also coming up#so i had to cut the convo short#but god. i hope he is happy and safe#vent cw#vent tw
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i really need more edits and fanarts and fanfics from Will's pov that aren't just pure pain
i really think we should focus more on other aspects of byler from Will's pov not just the pain and heartbreak. like i know that it's painful but it feels like we really do focus only on that, we focus on the scenes where Will was heartbroken the scenes where Will's love for Mike is hurting him but that's not all it does to him. it feels like people in this fandom make Will's love for Mike into something terrible that should've never happened or should pass as quickly as possible, we talk only about how Will is hurting and how he is selfless and it's hurting him even more and of course the pain and heartbreak are big part of all this i'm not saying we should stop focusing on the heartbreak and everything completely but it's just... it's not just pain this love is bringing Will like
Will himself said that his love for Mike makes him feel better about himself-let's focus on that too let's focus on the beauty of his love not just the pain and maybe i do sound like a bitch and i know i'm not putting this into words in a way i would like to but all i'm saying is that it feels like this fandom makes byler in Will's pov into something that is only painful and a terrible thing to happen to him and we do not talk enough about the good things this love brings him about the beauty about the scenes where Mike and his love made Will feel good and happy and loved and i know there isn't as much as the sad stuff but it is still there and some people are acting like it's not.
Mike and his love is not just bringing pain and heartbreak to Will it's giving him good things too
(and i really do want to point out that i'm not saying that creators in this fandom are doing something wrong or owe me this or anything i appreciate what you do so so so fucking much i love what you're doing for us and you don't owe me or anyone else anything i just wanted to get out my thoughts on how i feel like there isn't much variety i'm sorry if i seem rude i'm not trying to)
#it's just that every time i see an edit or read a fanfic or anything from Will's pov it's almost always just pure pain and heartbreak#but when it comes to Mike's pov there isn't only the sadness and heartbreak#there is also just pure love#like when we try to see byler from Mike's pov we see others things too we see the beauty and love too#but when we try to see byler from Will's pov it's always just hurt#like it's always 'mike wheeler loves will byers so much' but it's also always just#'will byers loves mike wheeler so much and it's causing him so much pain'#like i don't know if anyone understands what i'm trying to say cause i suck at words#but it really feels like we always focus only on the heartbreak and give it that twist to point out how much will is hurting#because of his love for mike as if there's all that is to it#and again i'm not saying anyone who focues on it is doing something wrong because i enjoy that stuff too#i just wish we would focus on the beautiful side more#or maybe it's just that i personally don't see much of it#and tbh it really feels like this fandom makes will into this sad uwu boy like he's not allowed to feel any other emotion#but i really won't go there if i don't want to get harassed so i'll really just shut up now#byler#will byers
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i wish listening to music people i like like wasn't so overwhelming to me for some reason lol like i literally just freak out it's so funny
#on an unrelated note yk#because i'm just starting to feel all head empty no thoughts buzzing in my mind about related#not like i think it's important to you or anything i just want to and this thing is weird c':#so i'm just saying#um not a hint at anything too obviously not being weird or anything#nvm weird math too the usual 🫶#i think getting killed for being severely hurt from and reacting to months of being gang stalked and harassed and losing sense of what's >>#>> real and what's not because of that and absolutely overwhelming amount of abuse from people you considered close and important to you >>#>> would be really freaking stupid you see#as in you know for me personally like i just wouldn't#and i think i managed my best explaining myself to you at this point so like okay no more talking like that if that's how you feel mhm#❤️#don't be xenophobic it's like weeeeeeird#you're cool!#and i mean i'm literally so 10000000% happy to see you again you can follow that logic about everything else too#and the rest is scam defense systems which i have activated almost at all times these days sorry❤️#fish should just go cry and move on about it because it's probably about that and it's like absurd#i just want them both to leave me alone unfortunately c':#and i'm being serious#i don't even know how to sound about that really#sorry if it's not that of course 🍋🟩#like i love you an infinite amount obv and also get all unnerved immediately when i think it's probably about her again idk what else to sa#well i'm traumatized!!!!!!#miss you like hell always sorry :D#it's probably like you're just saying anything and i'm overreacting again when i promised not to#i'll just be reading subnautica creature lore out loud for fun or something idk#not in a rude way just to not make things awkward yk🥂#not like it's overwhelming in some bad way to think about mind you#if you want to know like idk if you do! c':#i mean sorry if i'm just annoying you again i just really get carried away so easily with these things when i think about you lol❤️
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#okay you know what's depressing af#i just watched chappell roan's statement video about how people are treating her#and i had previously assumed the fans' behavior must be REALLY over the top if she made a whole video about it#but listening to her describe what happens to her on a regular basis made me go UMMMMM#because... almost all that shit happened to me on a practically daily basis when i lived in atlanta#like i'm not even exaggerating here. and i'm no one. not famous at ALL#this is just the way you get treated if you're a woman who spends her days walking in that city#the stuff she describes in her statement is genuinely so mild#except that it's NOT. it's totally valid for anyone to feel upset about it!#which just makes me realize once again how deeply extremely fucked up it was#that i was subjected to that shit every single fucking day for multiple years of my life#literally would not ever leave the house without noise-cancelling headphones and big reflective sunglasses#and i still had total strangers talking to me; calling to me across the street;#yelling 'compliments' at me; yelling insults at me; yelling really disgusting stuff at me#following me for blocks and blocks while cussing me out#grabbing my arm to stop me when i tried to walk away from them; or otherwise touching me without my consent#getting right up in my face all of a sudden so i legit thought i was being attacked for a moment#total strangers telling me that they'd noticed me around and apparently figured out where i lived#...i could go on for a while. but i won't. bc even just remembering it brings me down#anyway i'm not even particularly a chappell roan fan but i am feeling a lot of sad solidarity with her right now#while also thinking 'oh honey... you would not survive a month in the ATL :')'#this is one of those moments where i'm like 'oh. yeah. i guess it actually really is valid that i have legit trauma from those years. huh'#oof#street harassment cw#cosmo gyres#personal#tag rant
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You gonna do anything or make any statement about the rampant transmisogyny on this hellsite, especially in cases like predstrogen recently? Or yall gonna stay silent and keep letting/making us get pushed off of it.
I have a number of asks about this, so this is to address all of them, I won't do each individually.
We generally do not comment on individual cases, but because there seems to be mass misinformation around this, I will make an exception and comment on predstrogen.
First, Tumblr has a number of LGBT+ including trans people on staff, and they see things from the inside fully, and they're not protesting this case.
Why do we wrongly have a transphobe reputation? We did have an external contract moderator last year that was making transphobic moderation (and also selling moderation, criminally). As soon as we were aware that person was fired, and we later terminated the entire relationship with that contracting firm and have brought almost everything in-house (at great cost). I have previously commented on this publicly, several times.
I am not aware of any Automattician (people who work at Automattic and Tumblr) who has made any transphobic moderation actions. If it's reported it is investigated immediately, if anything were found that person would be terminated for cause immediately.
Predstrogen's account was suspended for:
Repeated mis-tagging of adult content against Tumblr's community guidelines. This has nothing to do with clothed transition photos, she had 20+ other blogs and multiple accounts with names so explicit I can't post them here without a mature tag.
Multiple cases of harassment of other Tumblr users, not just me.
Multiple threats of violence, not just the one I share below.
These represent a breach of our Terms of Service, and we've exercised our right to refuse service.
Threats of violence are never okay. Threats of violence are not protected speech. We will work with police and FBI where appropriate, though to be clear prestrogen's case hasn't warranted that so far. I'm referring to what we may potentially do for other threats. I just got a death threat yesterday from someone mad about predstrogen, and that account was immediately terminated.
So regardless of whether you still think Tumblr staff is somehow a bunch of transphobes, know that threats of violence or death are still not acceptable and will result in immediate and serious action. Know that when you rile people up, they can do dumb things with possibly permanent consequences.
(2 hours later update: I have changed instances of the pronoun "they" or "their" to "the account" because I am unaware of pronoun preference in this instance and don't want to misgender anyone. Thank you for the people who reported this as an issue. Update 2: "She" is apparently better, the post now says that. Sorry for the mistake.)
Here's one (of many!) examples of the harassment violations, this one targets me but there are others targeting other users on the site.
The second part seems to indicate she wanted to be suspended, I'm unaware of why, perhaps to create this sort of uproar. I agree the hammers feel silly, but the start, "i hope photomatt dies forever a painful death" is a violation of Tumblr's community guidelines and terms of service.
The car part did hit close to home as I have almost died twice in car accidents.
Update 2: Added this text to the adult content part: This has nothing to do with clothed transition photos, she had 20+ other blogs and multiple accounts with names so explicit I can't post them here without a mature tag.
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Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.
I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.
Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.
I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.
5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.
I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.
I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.
I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.
I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.
I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.
But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.
I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.
It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.
If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.
Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.
It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.
You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.
Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird” ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.
Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.
#ftm#ftx#genderqueer#transgender#lgbtqiaplus#lgbtqia#queer#trans#trans man#transmasc#trans masculinity#transmasculine#queer masculinty#trans men#trans writing#trans writers#trans pride#transblr#queer writers#queer artist#queer community#queer pride#lgbtq#non binary#genderfluid#lgbtq community#enby#enby pride#trans nonbinary#gor3sigil.txt
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